Simply Not Special

Over the past few weeks I've noticed my biggest flaw is my unwavering desire to be special. I want to be seen, to be praised, and to be respected. It stems from a need for attention, that I can unfortunately admit; but I wont lie. I've been told my entire life that I am naturally gifted at every single skill/hobby I pick up, but once I show skill for a beginner I can never excel past that point. I put effort into art, guitar, piano, writing, volleyball, singing, and the list goes on. Yet, I never improve. I want to find my niche, something I can confidently say I'm good at and get respect for my work. I'm at a low point in my life socially, I've lost majority of my friends I relied on last year and haven't felt this alone since middle school. Therefor I've depended on the things that are in my control to bring me validation and a sense of achievement. I have fixated on obtaining good grades and maintaining Honor Roll, yet classes are simply emotional turmoil. If I get anything below an A I have a breakdown. Any grade slips from an A+ to an A, I am in complete devastation. It brings out a side of me I am unfamiliar with. My academics have never been something that I associate with my value as a person but this year has entirely changed that. The very thing I used as an escape from social issues has become the very thing I use to compare myself to those around me. Constantly being surrounded by geniuses and scholars while being nothing more than mediocre is certainly dragging me down. Its not even the grades or the spot on a damn list that I truly care about, its the notion that my success will make me seen and appreciated. I don't doubt myself or my value, I frown upon the way others do. I admit this is most certainly an egotistical way of thinking, but its simply how I'm wired. I'm intrigued to know what drives this overwhelming craving for being "the best" or highly admired, my family has never placed high expectations on me and I am loved. But for some unknown reason I simply need to be appreciated for what I try to be. I deem myself as a decently kind, patient, and considerate person; I put in effort to everything I do whether I want to be apart of it or not. It is a possibility that my doubts considering how others view me may play a huge role in it. I simply want to be loved and that's natural, it's only human, but I fear it takes too large of a role in my happiness. What does it take to be special to someone and do I have what it takes?