13/01/25

I'm going to use this as a diary, I don't particularly care about making friends on here this is like my fourth account lolz but i thought a little introduction would be cute maybe, like in case anyone stumbles across the nonsense i write they can maybe feel less lonely i dont know!!! Anyway yes i will be using this to write about anything and great news im incredibly depressed so its going to be so cheerful and happy! yay! im 20 years old, i love the mortue aesthetic, collecting things, sewing and soft pink stuff. i;m actually learning how to improve sewing, i had a realisation this morning, i dont really have any hobbies, its makes me sad, i'm 20 i only really have three friend (including my boyfriend) and thats probably pushing it as the other two are online, i can't seem to make friends im in university currently so you would think its easy right? no unfortunately not for me, i feel like pulling the autism card saying i cant make friends as im autistic but no realistically im lazy and insecure, i cant create bonds as i'm picky too picky for my own good you would think i'd take any chance but no all i do is ignore and ignore! oopsie dasies! my therapist gets annoyed at me for it but every friendship ive attempted to make feels artificial, like ive tried... kinda i've even commented on tiktoks of people that go to the same uni as me saying i'm in the same boat i have no friends either!! but it hasnt been successful. I actually lied earlier im picky but also desperate it SUCKS realising my phone is empty when my bf is with me as no one actually talks to me. maybe im just dislikable who knows, probably a lot of people, but thats why i really want to dedicate time to sewing i want to create stuff i'm hoping if i start to be creative again i'll be less depressed? maybe, maybe not also i forgot my orginal goal of what i was typing im actually putting off my university work i need to write 1500 words by the end of today and then start writing 4000 words eeek scary!!! 

if you read this i hope ur day is going okay!