Misperceived Nostalgia

Hey so this is my first blog! But this feels like the best place to get my internal thoughts and journal entries out, and even getting feedback! (Pls no criticism, just like the share) 

Ive been quite miserable lately. I’ve been blaming it on the fact that I miss last year, that something about this year isn’t quite the same. As if it’s missing something. It’s easy to compare moments to another, making your current reality seem worse. It’s comparing a low you live in to one you don’t remember. It’s easy to fill in the blanks with good spirits when you forget the truth to its reality. This has always been a known thing. Yet, for some reason the level of it just sunk in. I stumbled upon a note from last November, a time I have spent months reminiscing on. I’ve compared my entire junior year to the first semester of last year, only to just now realize I was just as miserable then. These feelings have always been with me. I don’t quite understand how I was able to block out such bad feelings when they impacted my daily living. Perhaps I got used to it and didn’t think much of it as I do now. Or the most likely reasoning, I went through utter hell second semester and did exactly what I’ve been doing and longed for the time I was in “less” misery. In comparing time periods you are able to gift yourself with a better image of a time then what you remember, but in doing so you make your current reality far worse. Putting yourself into a state of self pity. This is a pity I will allow myself momentarily as I form more concerning thoughts. If even the times I viewed as my “best” are revealed to be periods of pure misery, then is there truly any hope. I’m finding trends in my misery. Trends that lead me to believe there is confirmed proof that this is simply how I’m wired. I know I’ve felt like this my whole life, I’ve lived it. But if I’ve painted memories to be more positive than they were, then maybe I’ve lived an even sadder life than I lead myself to believe. Maybe I do quite the opposite and make everything seem worse than it is. But who really knows? It’s clear that in comparing these periods of my life I make my present existence lesser than my past. Therefor, stealing hope from my future self. These concepts are all relative. As they say “Comparison is the thief of joy”.