Im gonna write in this as if it were my diary

 I've felt apathy for so long that it's weird because im feeling that maybe I don't have to feel that way anymore. It's strange because I've been unhappy for so long that I thought that it would be easier to continue feeling that way and in a way being sad is comforting listening to sad music on your rides y'know small things like that. But I have felt happiness before and being sad was so comforting that I forgot that being happy really does feel good. I find it embarrassing almost. That I wanna be seen that I want people to know how I feel at least the person I care about most. Us as people i forget it's normal to want to feel seen, want to be different. Even if we won't admit. I forget that it's okay to feel that way because it's how humans are. But I couldn't help but feel ashamed. I'm stupid I wish I could tell myself to appreciate myself now or I wish I could've told myself in the past two years that. I have so many aspirations so many dreams that I want to become a reality and I do them but then I randomly feel as if i can't do it anymore. I'm MY biggest hater. I have a good feeling that it can be different. Me writing gives me a good feeling.