words will always hurt me (wip)

Is this all there is? Behind closed doors all I see is the stuff I failed to grow from. There's this and that and then and then and then more stuff I messed up with no way back up. The “little” mistakes ended up picking up more pebbles on the way down and how everything is red at the bottom of the hill. Where’s the helicopter with its ladder ready to be thrown down when you need one? Guess it's only for those who confess. Forgive me Father for I have sinned or whatever else it is that's needed but God won't help me not even when I'm dying. Not dying in the physical sense but more in the way that I see these figures of the world and want it all to burn after each time I say “sorry”. Sorry sorry sorry sorry I’m sorry I’m here. I’ll be gone soon.