my boyfriend

hello everyone, welcome to my blog. it has been a while, but i’m really glad to be back and hopefully for good. 

today i would like to discuss my boyfriend.  i have recently acquainted myself with this man and we started, as the kids say nowadays, “talking”, after not knowing each other for a long time at all. for perspective, i met him 11/10/2024, and he has been calling me his boyfriend for some amount of time (i have no clue he just randomly said “i’ve been calling you my boyfriend with everyone now) and ive recently started officially calling him my boyfriend as well. 

for another dose of context, i met him ONLINE. through fucking PONY TOWN. (hmu if u wanna play sometime 😋😋)

i have only officially dated one guy ever in my entire life and it was in middle school. it was awful. so naturally, having someone meet you and immediately start saying i love you (after what i would like to say less than a week?) is a bit intimidating and seems like, way too good to be true because let’s face it: im fat, unattractive, brainrotted, slow as hell, and just overall not enjoyable to be around, let alone DATE. but this guy, even after the face reveal, even after the voice reveal, even after spending enough time for him to understand he should turn back while he still could, is actually IN LOVE WITH ME FOR REALS?? 

and maybe i look a little crazy here for being surprised, sure, i mean, ive witnessed quicker relationships online… but i still can hardly believe that he reciprocates the emotions i feel. 

i must admit though, and i know he’ll probably see this because i mentioned spacehey to him and i’m sure he would get it for me ❤️, i honestly didnt fall as quickly. i will say that i felt like this was definitely gonna be a deep friendship, but because i was really doubtful that he actually loved me, i think it set me back a bit and made me doubt myself. 

ANYWAY, i really do feel in tune with him and i honestly think we could survive the time needed before we can meet up in real life. i think our relationship is genuine and built on a foundation of mutual love and trust, along with other things, of course. we’ve discussed silly things, we’ve discussed hard things, and it’s all gone well for the most part. i am really the only one who struggles despite his claims of me being “emotionally intelligent”. sometimes i just end up speechless, usually when we’re talking about more intense emotions, and i feel terrible, but he’s so understanding it physically hurts. i think i just need to lock in and try to get better at being emotionally vulnerable and understand his perspective better because sometimes no matter how much he tries to explain, i’ll never truly understand what he felt like in that moment or how he sees things. so, in conclusion, i am the one who needs to improve. 

why just me, you may ask? because again, my boyfriend is SO understanding when it comes to me and my problems. i usually sum it up to my problems being a lot less insignificant to his, but i cant say for sure. he always knows what to say, he always seems to have a logical solution and it just makes me feel all mushy again because i don’t get how i ended up with such an amazing person in my life that cares about me so much. 

this is getting super long, so i’ll try and wrap it up here; my boyfriend has had a record of bringing himself down when he talks to me, especially when considering his personal issues, trauma, and mental health, and i honestly have no way to communicate in words how much it pains me to see him talk about himself in such a degrading way. i wish things were easier for him because he truly deserves the world.

i love him so much it’s not even funny man. i don’t care about his looks, even though he is absolutely beautiful. his mental illness isn’t scaring me off, i love him for him and his mood switches and everything that makes him up. i love him for the way he expresses himself and the way he shows love. i love him for the jokes he makes and the way he can do enthusiastically talk about the things he likes. i love him for his love for music. i love him for his poetry. i love him for his photography. i love him for his past and his future. even if i feel so deeply humiliated and embarrassed to be open about these things, i really do feel so strongly about him. i just know we will be okay and that’s what matters in the end. 

anyway thank you for reading this, i know it’s kind of a mess, i just needed to get this out somewhere and maybe someone will read it and relate. this is definitely NOT the last post i’ll be making about him though. i love you, thank you for sharing your time.