MOTHERhood

Recently I happened upon an article that spoke of wailing women in Africa, if I'm not mistaken. Now don't quote me on any of this, I have the worst memory at times and I cannot truly recall all of the details of this article. What I do remember is that it is a normal tradition for women of this tribe to wail/scream outside their huts. Now this all could have been bs for all I know, but it stated that this method was a way of them letting go of pain or anger. A way for them to release what they were feeling when overwhelmed. I THINK it went on to say that sometimes other woman would join in with her or comfort her. It was mainly mothers who would do this, relieving themselves of the stress of motherhood. It was attempting to make a point that sometimes we all need to release and let go, especially mothers. 

I myself am a new mother. My daughter is 9 months old and as sassy as she wants to be already. Please let me make sure I say this before I continue, I love being her mother more than anything and I've never had a more rewarding job. I have say though... MOTHERhood is kicking my ass! LOL! I am a full time stay at home mother and although I only have one child, it is a full time job. I am dealing with serious PPD and all the wonderful traits that come along with it along with it; rage, insomnia, mood swings, lack of appetite and lots more that comes on this wonderful rollercoaster ride of mommyhood. I say all of that to come to this point, today was a day that I wished I was apart of this tribe. I wished so badly to wail because of how overwhelmed I was feeling. Even as I stepped outside to get away from my daughter screaming at the top of her lungs, it still wasn't enough and I broke. I broke down crying as quietly as I could because I have neighbors. In that moment I wanted to wail, to throw my head back and scream to the sky and let go and I couldn't. I could have gone into another room and screamed into a pillow but it wasn't what I needed. I needed to wail, loudly to the heavens and let it out into the air, but I couldn't and I had to get to together. 

After getting myself right I came back inside and I took care of my baby. I blanketed my emotions and pushed through. When she laid down for her nap, I thought about how I was feeling and how wonderful it must be in theses tribes to have a literal village of other woman who would not only comfort you but share your pain with you, even for just a few moments. I envied them for that moment in my mind. At the end of the day though, I love my baby more than my next breath and would easily give it to her. So no matter what it is that my body is unfortunately going through, that pushes me to the edge sometimes, I will always power through. Not for me or anyone else, but for her and through those moments I become even more of a badass mother than I already am.