Faye

I loved her. I think?

Well to be honest, the idea of getting into a relationship is really cool and fun experience because u imagine so much hope and romance between that connection, and I kinda really hung up to that.

I broke up with her 3 months ago and part of me asked, did I love her? Or was it just an infatuation? Limerence? Or just a mere excitement? 

I hate that I think this way. I fully understand our relationship. I gave so much effort nd love that i could, just so she feels it. Not through words alone. Because I know full well about what she would feel. I think it's called empathy.

I was so self-aware and too focused on showing her that I love her, resulting of me neglecting my emotions. My intentions began to be so fake and far from what I actually feel. It's so weird that I even tried to "try loving her again for real" but instead I felt being free. Even though none of us was toxic.

We never fought, we never had an argument. Neither among us even sulked bcs we were too happy together. 

It was just me and my battles alone and I did not want her to know it. I feel secluded, ashamed, and f#cked up because she didn't deserve wtf happened.

In the end, I broke up with her without any reason to tell.

I loved you, Faye. I'm sorry if I left you with nothing. I don't know either anymore.