Women

No-one has a radio anymore and it’s not just cos they’re trash. It’s because there’s too many fools singing about love. No one writes about the real stuff, do they? All those love songs and soppy films, they never mention the bits that feel like you’ve been kicked in the balls. Its just a geezer strumming a guitar, whining about forever this and soulmate that, like anyone gives a toss. Nah, love songs are selling you lies, mate. I mean I don’t know what love is and frankly I couldn’t give a toss but I do know that most people confuse it with a lob on. 

Take me, for example. I don’t believe in love. Not the kind they bang on about in those soppy tunes, anyway. People aren’t made for that kind of rubbish.People are animals but they’re smart enough to know when they’re being sold something that don’t exist. 

Speaking of animals, there was this girl. And before you start, no, I’m not saying I was in love with her. I just thought about her a bit more than I usually think about people. She was sharp, yeah? Funny, but in a mean way. Always mouthing off about something, usually at me, I didn't mind though.

One night, we’re at some party. She’s perched on the counter, nicking crisps from a bag that wasn’t hers, so I nicked ‘em off her just to wind her up. We’re bickering, same as always, and somehow we end up wandering down near Breastol parkway. 

We’re standing by this fountain, and I’m taking the piss cos she’s slurring her words and trying to tell me made up constellations. She shoves me. 

Next thing I know, I’m in the fountain. Freezing my bollocks off. I dunno if it was on purpose or not- knowing her it probably was.

She’s standing there, laughing so hard she’s barely breathing, so I grab her wrist and pull her in with me. She’s screaming, calling me every name under the sun, but she’s laughing too.

We end up under the fountain, soaked and freezing. The water’s just pissing it down over us right, and we’re both drenched, shes glaring at me and Im grinning like an idiot.

And I just start thinking about me and this girl and all the stuff we’re going to do and all the things I want to know about her and want her to know about me. I started thinking about us just staying in when it rains, getting lean, or taking her camping and banging her in a tent. Or in a field. Or a McDonald’s car park. And then there was just this…weird feeling in my stomach, like sick and happy all at the same time and I thought sh*t. I love her. You’re in love Cooky. You tit. 

But I remember standing there, dripping wet, watching her walk away, And I thought…it’s not really worth it is it? Anyway that was before everything went to shite.

Still, I’d probably let her push me into the fountain again.

See what i'm saying? People are animals.