brain

frankly i think i’m insane for being so stuck on this it truly was meaningless, i mean not meaningless per se there was some meaning spiritually and bodily. but nothing more it wasn’t supposed to be anything more, but even from the grave you fucking taunt me. it’s like he was wrapped up in your image like some how you made a deal Lilith herself to bring him into my life and make me think of you all over again. it was comforting for a moment—then i came to the conclusion we me and you would never have this because you are dead and i’m am left here to never quite mourn for you properly. the intimate way i felt our souls interact was more then bodily it was never bodily it was pure divine intervention, only a deity could create such a connection i mean it’s like we could read each-others mind. it was like if i was drowning in darkness instinct would bring me back to you, i never experienced much physical intimacy with you it was never our thing that’s why i believe what we had was pure—that’s why i believe something must be left unsaid or unfinished that has u so rapidly consuming my mind for the 100th time. it’s been years i moved on then fate of course brought me right back down. i’ll recover because i say it’s so, this i know. but it’s not enough to keep things together—i want closure and i want to feel rested. anyway this is delusional he isn’t you, you aren’t him you are exactly as i remember you and as you always will be.