Why You Should Never, EVER Date Footballers (Especially Not Danny Guillermo)

Alright girls, 

This is a public service announcement from yours truly—the queen of knowing better (but not always doing better). If you value your sanity, your dignity, and your favourite heels, DO NOT date footballers. Never EVER!

To all you wannabe WAGS out there, Avoid footballers at all costs and don't believe a word he says. They’re fit, sure, but the stress isn’t worth it. Footballers have two modes: training and cheating. Footballers love themselves more than they’ll ever love you, just remember that. You deserve someone who'll buy you real jewellery, doesn’t check their reflection in every window, and can actually kick a ball.

And to Danny Guillermo, if you’re reading this:

I’m thriving without you, babe. Good luck with Melina! I hope she likes the fact you’ve got zero personality and that you still text me every weekend .Oh and I know the Bristol Boys Banter page isn’t some exclusive private members’ club—it’s a website. You greasy tosser. 

Footballers? Leave them on the bench where they belong, it's not like they ever got any game time anyways!

You’re welcome. Xx