Love is a pain is the a$$

As the title says, love is a pain in the ass. I've been in love with this guy more than a year yet I can't get over him. He's my ex. His nickname is Alice, due a song from one of my favorite artists. He doesn't know this, and I hope he doesn't suspect. I'm that desperate to keep him close that I accepted to be her friend with benefits. I feel used. I'm letting him use me, bc I love him so much that hurts. Don't fall in love, guys...