general life ramble

set an appointment with a new psych which should handle all my meds if they take me on. got my hrt appointment this friday. tickets are booked to get wife here in late feb (!!!!). those things are all sorted now. now the main thing is i need to be Getting A Job. because money is my biggest problem rn and with the coming future. bc im going to have to find the money to pay for wifes taxis to and from the airport, for his checked bag(s), for my subscriptions, for gas in my car, for food i feel comfortable eating, for... anything needed that isnt just the groceries my parents get for themselves, and house amenities like Having a house and bad and wifi and heating and shit. and now the heats on because itll be 200$ for his checked bag, 200-400$ for his rides to and from the airport. and that will be needed to be paid up by the time his flight to her happens

been having a really hard time off my meds. i went off the deep end with it last week especially and got so panicked it was... well suffice to say it was a bad time. i missed my t shot last week so doing it tonight will hopefully kick me back into gear a bit better. i also contacted places for my medical records which are needed before my psych appt, and i have all of them except the most important ones, of course lol. cuz the place i had the bulk of my med history with and where i had my prev prescriptions from was down from a utility failure the other day so ill have to call back again every few days til its fixed.

been playing a looot of windwaker. rn im at doing the two temples after the forsaken fortress, but im running around tryna do some of the smaller stuff first. like just got the fire and ice arrows unlocked and the ballad of gales too after like completely forgetting abt it and being like man theres so much empty sailing time this is boring af how did people play this. also playing powerwash sim on my steam deck too, very fun to play it mobile though its a bit more of a pain than having keyboard and mouse its a good way to have smth mindless. ive already beaten all the levels i have (missing a few dlcs) so just been replaying some bits

found out whats up with the wifes leg injury, hes got like multiple hematomas/a hematoma across multiple muscle groups. so its not fractured like we feared, it just Feels like it. lol. leg raised and anti-inflammatory is the only thing for it rn really it sounds. its not recommended to fly with them but its already been a week (a week and a half? two weeks maybe even?) since he got it, and by the flight itll have been many more weeks so it should be Okay just not great.

got a really cute storage box from my friend i want to put stuff in but everything i have is like, not quite fitting it right -_- its like a box where the bottom is big empty and then the top folds out to have a bunch of small boxes. so everything either fits better in only small boxes or in just the big box bit but not when theyre combined. my bead stuff doesnt work in it, jewelry doesnt either really, and art stuff is too awkwardly shaped. but it has gotten me re-organizing some of my art stuff anyway, and switching up the way its boxed. i cant wait to go through all my boxes in the basement and repack them..! but i cant right now bc next step with the basement is the insulation foam and bead board ceiling so itll just be Even More shit as my [future] room gets filled with rockwool and sawdust. and then after that im sure plaster and paint. grrrr. but maybe once the living room bit is tidied a bit more i can drag the boxes out and do it in there... Hmmm

tomorrow wifes going to send me a bunch of money to do some grocery shopping for myself. feel kinda shitty about it cuz he needs that money for paying off his debt before he moves so its not ruining his life next month, but food is sadly pretty important. it just makes me feel angry and guilty because there is 'food' in the house that i could eat but because of my eating disorder i just cant bring myself to eat it and so i just end up not eating at all. and thats just the way my life will be probably, at least until i get job money and can start buying myself more food that ill eat

but its going to be nice to go and do that. will pick up some of my specialty bread, and big bags of chips like doritos and ruffles, some of the big boxes of cookies, boxes of granola bars.. idk i should get stuff for 'meals' but also i dont know what i like as a meal other than takeout yknow -_-