rambling about love

love is complex by itself, it's not like i've stayed all this time without feeling a single drop of it, as it comes in all different forms, the only one i'm lacking is romantic, but even if i know that it's not the only one, it sure seems like it's the most important one sometimes. i have no blockage in saying out loud how much i love my friends, even the most distant ones, and everytime i am acknowledged the love is mutual i smile, and as love is a feeling only capable of truly existing when shared with someone else, i know it's true. but i always fail to keep myself from thinking about the lack of this other kind of love, the one bounded by intimacy and shared experiences, " real " love as society puts it.

i overthink too much about this, i wish i could care less about it, society puts too much weight under the success of one's love history and i do know that love isn't the only thing there is and that we have other priorities in life and blah blah blah but i don't fucking care, i love love and i need love, for i am made of it. i hate the feeling that i'll never be able to achieve it on it's fullest because of monogamy and a capitalist system that ties every single human relationship to a power struggle over whose feeling should be validated at a certain time or how dating someone should make it impossible for you to even acknowledge other people's existence. people feel things, they feel love, compassion, empathy, they get mad, they feel betrayed and get so stressed they feel like they're going to implode like a nuclear bomb, none of these feelings should be invalidated or simply be made impossible to be felt just because you've started dating someone. monogamy is a social norm that has been around for so much time that it makes people think that it's natural to repress what you feel once you've started a relationship just to make your partner happy, and that makes so they don't think even once about communicating what they're feeling, what's their boundaries on things, how spicy they like their food, and when their relationship inevitably fails, they get a mentality of " oh it was just the wrong person " or " they didn't deserve me, i'm better than this ", i feel like people truly don't realize that a relationship is a social construct, and we are social creatures. there is no " right person " made specifically for you, the only people who can make a relationship work is those involved on it, it isn't god, it isn't your best friend, it isn't the guy who collect your taxes, it's you and them, and as social creatures involved in a social construct, only social activities can make it right, not living by invisible rules that determine what love is right and what is wrong, everyone's feeling are based on their individual life experience, the way they feel love is never going to be the same as yours cause they experienced it differently throughout their lives, you don't get a healthy stable and during relationship by having a fist fight about whose love is going to be the dominant one, that can only lead to at least 1 person being left sad, feeling unloved and having no hope anymore.

anyway i really yap it's all pretty inconsistent and messy, if you managed to read it all, even if you don't understood it or did and just doesn't agree with me mhaw i love you always live your life to the fullest and stay strong to your ideals, just remember that we are all human beigns and we're always going to be different over how we view ourselves and the world, for we all have our own way of perceiving the world around us

😘