My History With Music

I have always been surrounded by music, my parents almost always had something on, my mom was into soul and soul pop as I describe it (Alecia Keys, Ceelo Green) my dad listened to classic rock and 80's rock (he loves AC/DC) and he loves blues and it was almost always playing around my house growing up. As a kid I liked what ever my parents were playing but my favorite was Queen. I didn't listen to much music apart from what my parents played. 

Until 3rd or 4th grade, when I was doing homework and got bored and started listening to music while I did my homework. Around that time I also started puberty and got angsty. I heard something about emos on the internet either a G note joke or someone making fun of them. I had an alexa at this time and I was interested in this whole emo thing so I played emo playlists on my alexa. There were artists like The All American Rejects, My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, and my favorite at the time Panic! at The Disco. I had been into mostly pop at the so so I feel like Panic! bridged the gap of pop and rock in a way that 9 year old me liked. That was all I would listen to for a while apart from the occasional My Chemical Romance. 

I felt very alone at the time and Panic! filled that gap in my life. I had no friends everyone was still just a normal 9 yearold but I was already changing and getting bitter. I remember hearing about the MCR reunion back in 2019 and wanting to go but feeling like I didn't know them well enough to go.

 And then in 2020 when I was in 5th grade covid hit. That gave me a whole lot of time to be bitter and alone with my music. I got obsessed with My  Chem in that time because it was really my only friend, I tend to spiral when I have nothing else to do so MCR was a netting for me in my worst times. I was suicidal at this time but didn't even know it (even though I tried to hang myself I didn't know the vocabulary) but I remember hearing other peoples stories and getting it. 

Covid ended and I was left to 7th grade. I had friends but never felt connected to them and I knew that they never really liked me. I would go home and stay up late listening to music on the weekends while they were hanging out. I didn't have hobbies or friends and all that was really there for me/understood me was music. 

I later got into Fall Out Boy around February 2023 about 2 week after Love From The Other Side came out  and I loved it I had always liked THNKS FR TH MMRS before I really knew about them, but So much(for) Stardust was the nail in the Fall Out Boy coffin. I remember SM(F)S released during spring break while I was at Petro Rico. I was laying on the bathroom floor at midnight which my mother had nearly flooded a few hours before being absolutely blown away by this album I was laying there in the dark trying to be quiet so I didn't wake my family up just staring at the ceiling. (Pete Wentz's lyrics always really connected to me.)

Music held me through the worst and best and when nothing else in my life was going for me music was there to keep me from thinking too hard about my life and my future, and helped me express my passion and creative drive that I otherwise ignored. 

1/7/25  4:00pm