Why it's okay to not fit in (Quoxhin yaps #2)

Hi! This is coming from someone who used to want to be popular and have a big friend group and had both experience of being a loner, socially anxious kid and a social butterfly student who almost greets everyone she passes by. This is also from my own personal idea so feel free to share yours!

Back in third grade, I've always wished I was like the kids who were extroverted and was always greeted by students while they walk pass. Typical highschool popular kid stuff. Watching them can make you feel jealous or even annoyed at some times. In my school, if you're smart and very sociable, you're automatically popular I guess? So as a socially anxious teenager, I tried to socialize to seem nice and stuff for people to..you know, acknowledge me, and I just come out as super awkward. And that's okay! If you're like my third year self and had a hard time socializing with people, just a simple hello hi to a stranger and simply saying no to a request is a big improvement for you because I get how difficult that is. From third grade to now, I entered several circles. Circle 1 was mostly my old classmates and we were all in one gc, they were mostly the one I talk to nowadays. Circle 2 is a bit of a group consist of 2 other girls, circle 3 consists of one girl from circle 1 and another who left circle 1, and finally, circle 4 is full of gossipers.

Circle 2 didn't really last long, we didn't have the same vibe, though we did have some good communication up until now. Though in that circle, we all tried to fit in, tried talking to my classmates who we wanted the same energy and times where we wanted to look smart. But failed. I won't mention circle 1 and 3 much since they have not that relevance here. But continue. Circle 4 is full of those who are, I guess, popular in our class and in our school in general. You would think I'm pretty lucky to be in that circle for a while but no. They do tend to put down other people to seem superior and they have a bit of conflict to those who they call "their pet peeves" which is almost half of the damn school and most of them just probably breath the wrong way. My idea of wanting to be popular was still there of course so I just let them be and hang out with them. It was fun and all, hearing people say "you're ___ friend?" "___ knows you?" But seeing who they truly are is really draining and hearing that the "popular kid" is friends with you when you know they're true colors is quite comical.

I find myself enjoying it more when I'm alone and finding peace. With my history with those 4 circles, there's always someone who is toxic and ruins the whole entire group for what? To be noticed. There are people who put down others to seem superior and popular compared to those who are not.

When I tried not to force myself into them it felt..peaceful. it felt warm and safe. What's worst is I faked my personality of three of those groups before and it was..painful. But when you're with yourself you can be, well, yourself.

So enough yapping, it's okay to not fit in if they're not really your crowd you know? It's better to just choose to be alone with one or two friends rather than be sorrounded by so many but you aren't even yourself to be accepted. It's more peaceful to know that you're yourself with somebody who truly accepts you rather than a group of people who accepts a certain idea of you.

So please, don't force yourself to fit in if they're not really you're right environment