rant about being SOCIAL!!

so-- i don't know if it's just me, but i'm SOO tired of trying to talk to people first irl!! no one is ever interested in pursuing convos with me....... then again idc because i've got online friends but... wasting my energy like that is kinda disappointing!!!!!

and even then, starting conversations online is so hard for me. i'm deathly afraid of awkward silence honestly it drives me INSANE!! i don't know why it'd be different for anyone else but i guess my fear just prevents me from trying haha

and i'm also pessimistic right... so like, here i am, trying to not think everyone's out to get me and that they're actually terrible horrible people but that's so dumb!!!!! like hello!!! no one gaf!!! but whatever.. i wonder when my next psych evaluation will be after getting through the whole autism process thing. i don't think i have autism honestly, i'm pretty aware of social cues. i'm just awkward

WHATEVER who gaf... all that to say that if you are also shit at being social or just talking to new people, at least you're not alone !