How i've let go of a toxic friend after 4 years (Quoxhin yaps #1)

One of the most remarkable things i've finally done after having a history of being a people pleaser is letting go of a friend that was my first in my first highschool year. we were both in the same class at the time and similar interests so we got along pretty quick. We became friends in the pandemic era of 2020 so i really didn't know her well at the time since all we had was social media to communicate. 

third year highschool, We were finally allowed to go out and start learning in school like before so yes I gone to her and hang out with her first since she was the only friend i had at the time. She introduced me to our old classmates since our batch were almost still the same people from first year hs to second year. Now, this is where the problems started to develop. She was very sweet when it was only us talking and no circle was involved, but as our circle got bigger, she started bringing up problems and started invalidating several stuff towards me mostly. confusion developed in me but i all did was forgive her at the time. 

Confrontation wasnt really the best sulotion for her since she kept victimizing and never really took accountability with anything she does. In fourth year, we didn't talk much in person but we did talk more again through social media, specifically messenger. Conflict developed again here and there since she didn't change for the whole year. i'm not very clean myself since I do just hint her in some complains I say in our groupchat and never really done proper confrontation. 

going on now, I'm in my first year of senior high (which is an additional grade level in the Philippines) and i've grown to develop to let go of people easily. i've also cut off people without regretting it unlike before. In late november, We confronted her about another problem and all she decided was to turn the tables once again. No suprise.

Now here's the final point. One of my best friends, let's call her Rin, said that she was backstabbing me and telling her stuff unconfirmed. I dont tolerate backstabbing so i confronted her and all she decided was to pinpoint Rin being the cause of the backstabbing even though Rin really didn't say much.

Shout out to my friend with the code name rin by the way if you ever come across this blog, you were such a good friend for telling me :) 

continuing on, She did apologize yet I gave her a cold shoulder because ofcourse, our history just hit me several times in the guts after the incident and of course, I don't want a friend that backstabs me.

She started venting to my friend who she didn't really categorized as a friend. Let's call him Sparkle (since he does main sparkle from Honkai Star Rail) So she did vent several times, saying she cried because of the incident, kept on saying stuff that clearly shows she's victimizing herself and several times self diagnosing some mental illness that even had wrong symptoms assosciated with it. I've sent several pharagraphs as well stating that she should stop with the situation and leave us alone.

a few days after christmas,

My friend snaps after a few weeks of relentless venting by saying "You keep doing this over and ver again, you keep saying you changed but you haven't done anything to actually change, you keep on doing the same victimizing and manipulative work over and over again and turning to tables everytime" She did apologize and tried to excuse herself but my friend said he doesn't believe her and decided to leave it done.

up to this day, I still go to the same school as her but we don't talk. I've also found out that most of my friend in our circle did have the same feeling as me. Me and my other friend who are in the circle still talk normally but me and her? Nope. And i'd like to keep it that way. I'm glad I've let go of someone who made me isolate myself and found better friends.

No matter what, I will never, EVER, forgive her for everything she's done.

Shout out to my other friends, let's call one skibidi toilet and the other Kenz and the other wise for being the emotional support and comedic relief of the whole incident. Wise was also mostly the one who cheered me on to let go and cut her off and never got tired of me ranting to her, love ya, wise.

If you ask the question "how did you even do that after everything and being friends for a long time" I myself don't know how, but if you've been hurt enough, it will come up tot this point.

from a retired people pleaser, if you're just like me before, don't lose hope, I had difficulties to even say no when I was one and slowly, as you continue to go through everything, you'll eventually break out of your shell and be able to actually be confident enough to let go of them.

Thanks for reading my yapping!