tv blues: what is this nonsense?!

so let me set the scene: it’s the holidays. a cozy, quiet evening, and the internet decides to yeet itself into the void for a whole day. no video games. no youtube. no streaming random cat videos at 3x speed. what’s left? tv.

at first, i was like, “this could be great!” you know, nostalgic feelings of flipping through channels, catching shows at a specific time, maybe even vibing to cheesy theme songs. i thought, how bad could it be? turns out, very bad.

lemme tell you, the options were horrendous. the main channels? boring. movies and dramas I don’t care about, cooking shows where everything looked suspiciously uncooked, and one weird show about fixing houses. the news? depressing. but then i got to the kids' channels. surely, surely there’d be something cute and nostalgic there, right? WRONG.

who... who is blippi? why is this man jumping around in suspenders screaming at kids like he’s just inhaled 10 packets of sugar? it’s like they took every ounce of personality out of kids’ shows and replaced it with... this?? and don’t even get me started on cocomelon. that soulless animation. those weirdly massive heads. the songs that sound like they’re being sung by robots from the future. it’s genuinely haunting.

what happened to kids’ tv?? if you’re gonna toss that junk from youtube on the screen, at least put on mother goose club or badanamu. i mean, sure, they’re for little kids, but they’re way better than whatever blippi is supposed to be. i’m just saying, the bar is low, and even that’s not being met.

but honestly, i miss the older shows... when tv was actually good. back then, you could turn it on and catch mew mew power, digimon tamers, or pokémon at a specific time, and you knew it would hit. the lineups were always solid, and the shows actually had substance, with catchy themes and decent animation. no cringe faces, no adults pretending to play with toys—just proper entertainment.

and oh my god, pokémon during dinner was an event. but why, WHY did it always air at the same time as winx club? like, what kind of cruel scheduling was that? i was stuck choosing between watching pikachu zap team rocket or bloom slay in sparkly blue heels. the internal struggle. the pain of missing half of one just to see the other. kids these days don’t know what it’s like to have such intense life-or-death decisions.

so i kept scrolling, hoping for a miracle, but nah. it just got worse. there was either sitcoms with painfully fake laughter or shows about rich people flipping mansions i will never step foot in. and don’t even mention the infomercials. no, i don’t need a pan that can survive a volcanic eruption or a knife that slices through cinder blocks. i just wanted something remotely entertaining.

what even happened to tv? back in the day, even the ads were fire. remember toy commercials? catchy jingles? stuff you actually wanted? now it’s all boring delivery apps or some weird scam offer like “buy one, get three free.” like, nah. i’m good.

honestly, i feel bad for this generation. this is what they have to grow up with? no awesome openings. no scheduled after-school cartoon blocks. no weirdly dubbed anime that sounded just slightly off. instead, it’s all blippi. cocomelon. misery.

by the end of the day, i just gave up. sat there staring at the screen like light yagami plotting his next move. tv is a wasteland now. without the internet, i was stranded in a desert of mediocrity.

moral of the story? if you’re stuck with cable tv and you see blippi pop up on the screen, save yourself. turn it off. go read a book or something.