vent

I have bad body image issues, my face shape makes it worse. I have a round face and on a bunch of days, I feel ugly. I look at other 14-year-olds and they are so pretty but I'm not. They are more mature looking and more mature mentally but I still feel like a kid and also like kid stuff. I want to be more mature but I'm scared of growing up. I know I act young so I can cope with things that were done to me but I want to be like the age I'm supposed to be. My sister likes makeup and I want to try it more so maybe I can be beautiful but I don't like how it feels most of the time and I just don't do it often because I have little to no motivation and don't know where it is. I have child-like reactions when I'm stressed or upset (hitting myself, hitting and throwing stuff, and crying over stuff that isn't that big of a deal) like when my plate has stuff that I didn't ask for and it's touching the things I want to eat so I don't eat it because I'm too upset and it's touching my other food so it might taste different so I walk away before I break down. I have a hyperfiction (sorry if I spelled it wrong) on an actor because I like their character on a game that I'm also fixated on and those are the only two things I'm focused on, I know when I'm fixated on something it has to be one thing or two things but its usually associated with the same franchise I feel different (not in a pick me way) than others and it freaks me out if I act like this when I'm older because usually, others don't act like this and I can focus on only one thing at a time or I'll get overwhelmed and break down. do you think this is a phase or is there something more to this? I'm confused and wanna learn more about myself. (before posting this i have an edit to make, when i think to myself theres a bunch of other things overlapping them usually when i'm praying/thinking hard) (please don't bully me i'm just saying how i feel and whats going on with me :[ i think i need help)