january 7, 2025 : what's keeping me up

Something is keeping me up at night, and once again, it’s my worries. The thought of taking on more responsibilities is weighing on me more than it should. I’m scared of growing up, but at the same time, I want to break free from here, from this place that feels like it’s holding me back. I’m exhausted from being treated like a child but constantly expected to act my age. It’s like I’m stuck between two worlds—too young to have the freedom I crave, yet too old to be handled with care. The pressure to live up to expectations is suffocating, and I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever feel truly in control of my own life.

It’s overwhelming to feel like I’m constantly walking a tightrope, balancing the need to please others while trying to figure out who I really am. I wish I could just find some peace within myself, but it feels like everything around me is either too demanding or too distant. Every decision seems to carry so much weight, and sometimes I wonder if I’m doing things for myself or just trying to meet the unspoken expectations of everyone else. At times, it feels like I’m not allowed to just be, and I’m losing sight of what it means to live for me—not for anyone else.