bulletproof...so far

What do you even write when there are no words to describe what you feel?

its not that my life is tragic and shi, its just that im tired of always feeling that...weird feeling, its always my mind saying

"youre running out of time"

"youre running out of time"

"youre running out of time"

out of time for what? existing?

i think what i really think im doing is sort of wasting my life being secretly unhappy no matter what

but at the same time knowing that there has to be more in life to do, feel, and see.

i know that, yet i spend my day rotting in bed thinking of all the cool things i would love to do but never doing.

living lately has been feeling like a huge deadline i can not meet.

worst of all, this days have been feeling awful, im too sensitive to stand any situation at all, i know im wrong for feeling that, i know it well, and that just adds to my longing, im unsatisfied and tired at such a young age that no one takes me seriously, not even i do.

i really try my best to get out of this, hang out with my friends, play drums, watch movies or whatever dristracts me from my phone, why?, because if you really see your life all again when you die, i dont wanna see the screen of my phone at a family dinner, i wanna see my family, i dont wanna READ an "i love you <3" i wanna see someone look into my eyes and HEAR an "i love you". 

a screen its not what i want to reduce my life to, but when i look up, no one is having dinner with me, no one looks into my eyes saying they love me, all i see is my dark bedroom and my closed window, wich is ironic cause trough my window i see the park i go to skate to, knowing i could just walk a few steps and feel better, but if i tried, what would i even do? im not even good at skating and, surprise!, i.do.not.own.a.skateboard

so my days stay the same, i stare at a screen in my dark room imagining a better life.