January 6, 2025

Here I am again and I find out I have nothing to say. Actually I’m pretty sure I want to say something, I just can bring myself to find it.

I would say I’m not like fully ok, but that’s not new at all, actually I don’t feel that bad after all. Or maybe I actually feel horrible and it’s just about the moment I’m writing this.

First I only have two real friends, and one it’s the guy who wants to be a bodybuilder and a philosopher, the other was in love with her Italian teacher. I miss that one friend who gave a lot to talk about, but I can’t just keep pretending I don’t care when she ignores me one day or two. My other friends are not that bad, but they are only classmates friends, and I understand if one of them already hates me.

And god… about him. It’s over and I finished it. Of course I miss him and I still hoping he miss me too. I know he doesn’t at all, cause if he really wants to reach me he can, but he doesn’t. I know all that references to love were not about me, that poem was not about me, that songs were not about me. I just know it was false, cause I know a true when I see it and this was not. I’m not even sure if he really liked me at all (in a person way). 

But like the friend said, I made my own mistakes but maybe this was the right choices. But oh mother I can feel the soil falling over my head.

I don’t want to talk about school or my future.cause oh boy I’m lost, I’m not a basket case but I’m not a remarkable kid anymore.