Living (~9-12 min read)

The is my first post on here, in a way.. I made a post and then deleted it when I got scared. I have had this account for 2 years lol. Dang that's pretty crazy honestly. I always wanted to be a cool popular vlogger or youtuber or whatever of some kind. The only problem being that I have always been anxious to do anything of the sort. I remember posting a TikTok video years ago and getting about 300k likes on it. Shortly after the fact I deleted the account, I got scared about the thought of "keeping up" with posting even though nobody really cares how often a person posts. I have a YouTube channel now (LinkyKatRelax). Simply for my enjoyment but it is nice to see engagement from other people. I try to think in a way James Cameron said he does in an old interview. He said how he always dreamed of the Pandora world since being a kid and that he simply makes movies (and plans to make so many more Avatar films) only because he likes them. I don't think he really cared for the success, although I am sure it was very nice. Maybe he cares now.

I really like where I am in life at the moment. I turn 18 soon. Halfway through high school now. I know I will miss the high school life in some ways but definitely not all of it. Lots of drama I don't like to partake in. Sometimes you think you have lived so much already but then you think, "Have I really?" In the grand scheme of things, life can feel so short. Life is short, sure, but living doesn't feel short at all. Those experiences you live through, the ones that stick with you. The good and the bad that impact you. They might seem like they happened just yesterday or feel like so so long ago. Maybe that is what life is. It is simply living. Breathing, existing, surviving. We have to get through our lives doing what we can surviving our hardships to cross the fence. So does everything else. Like the plant in Wall-E. It had to endure years worth of pain to find a place it fit into and finally grow. To finally live and breathe, to just exist as it was.

I want to talk about my winter break, among other little things maybe. Is there a character limit for this? I guess I'll make a part two if there is and I hit it. Anyways, winter break was fun. Not entirely, like things usually can be, the positive can't exist without the negative so I don't expect things to be perfect. I started my break with a pep band game. I am "Head" Drum Major (I just have more experience than the other two that's all) and I quite enjoy it. I played alto saxophone this time. I usually play baritone euphonium, my main instrument this year. I am fortunate that the school I go to allows its students to switch and borrow instruments when they have a reason to because we are small. We also don't go to competitions for marching so we don't have band fees to pay which is nice. We also have a very cool parent led group that helps fundraise for the band. We still march for parades and football games, this was my last year so unless I join in college I am done with marching. My boyfriend never got one of the Drum Major roles (We have three) and that has made me very disappointed. That can be another blog post though.

One of my cats is sitting next to me, Link. I have three. Pearl and Zelda are the two females. Link sits around me the most, follows me around the house. I will take him with me to college. For winter break after pep band I remember spending time with my boyfriend at his house for a couple days while my mom worked. Then Christmas came around and it was fun. I got a new laptop I have been wanting for a while, it is a gaming laptop. My other one was cheap and couldn't handle more than two tabs any more. My boyfriends mom got me some embroidery things and custom coasters she made (One was Avatar themed) and I got a light up birch tree from his sister which I love. I also got a mini kalimba from playing holiday games with family. I got some beautiful yarn from a Secret Santa for my schools Winter Guard team. $150 dollars from family and $50 went to buying myself games on steam on my new laptop while they were all on sale. I paid literally like $2 for the original House Flipper, I got six games in total. Townscaper, Tiny Glade, Little Kitty Big City, Cities Skylines, Planet Coaster, and of course, House Flipper. Inscription was also on the table but I was okay with paying full price later if needed. Tiny Glade is my favorite so far. It is what I post to YouTube at the moment.

Something I love about the winter time is snow. I am a big snow lover. In fact, I played in the snow today. Totally jumped around and even cosplayed as a chef and talked to Zelda through the window about how to prepare a meal (The window was open with the storm netting in-between us.)

I also rearranged my room a tad this break. I did it while my mom was sleeping lol. I really like it now. Mmmm. What else did I do this break? I had Winter Guard practice. I missed one but the others were great. I have one tomorrow if the snow storm doesn't get too bad. I also brought home a cello, clarinet, and tenor sax home for winter break. I am doing a group 1 solo for cello in Solo and Ensemble and a 3 person clarinet ensemble. I didn't feel very confident in clarinet so I took a tenor sax home as well. I tried clarinet before but couldn't get the hang of it. Coming back to it, I think I have it a little bit now. I didn't touch the tenor sax this break. I only wanted to if I couldn't get the clarinet. Maybe I will tomorrow on my last day for fun. I love playing instruments. I want to be able to play them all. I don't care how good I am. I just enjoy playing a variety. I feel the same with speaking languages although they are more difficult for me. I wouldn't rather be mediocre in every single one than be a master of one or few. I love being able to do a little of everything. Except crochet. Kind of random but I can't crochet. I like stitching and punch thread and just anything but crochet. Sorry, I started rambling again. I only own three instruments. Two violins, one used and one new, and that little kalimba. I could have had an electric violin as well. Family said while we were at an event that if I picked up the one they had on display and played just one note that they would buy one. I was too scared to do it so I never did. Out of all the instruments I have played cello is my favorite. All the instruments I have played have been because of school. I moved in the past and if I never moved I never would have been on string instruments or been able to switch around brass/woodwind instruments so much. Were I lived before you had to rent your band instrument and they don't have an orchestra program. I have played (in order of learning in school and out of school); recorder (who hasn't), piano, violin, cello, alto saxophone, baritone euphonium, trombone, clarinet. You could technically say I have played the tenor saxophone as well but I myself wouldn't say so. I have only pulled it out and messed with it once. 

I am a fortunate person. Although I have grown up in a not so friendly family I believe that I am lucky to have found family in other people who aren't physically related to me. I like where I am. Even if I get stressed out about big dates coming up or small things that have to do with interacting with people, I do really like my life when I think about everything put together all at once.

Thank you for taking a moment to read. I hope you have a lucky day. :)