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this is only semi-political, but i'd love to get some feedback and discussion with others. i have a severe and difficult to manage personality disorder. at my worst, i have been a VERY bad person. someone who was drinking, doing certain substances, lying, not working or going to class, etc. i have borderline personality disorder, and i was diagnosed about 2 years ago. i've been seen and had my diagnosis corroborated by four independent psychiatrists to ensure that i was correctly diagnosed. i wasn't a great person, and before we go any further, i understand and fully believe that mental health is an explanation but not an excuse. not everyone with bpd struggles with the same things, and it is difficult to understand this disorder due to the complex nature of it.
however, when i was honest and asked for help in online and irl circles, i found very quickly that people who did not have personality disorders were much more critical and rude towards me about how my symptoms manifested. i worked at a mental health nonprofit from 2018-2021 (when i was only diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and not bpd) and when i needed time off due to mental health issues, it was graciously honored. however, now, in my current line of work and at a school, anytime i need time off due to my bpd, its met with skepticism/doubt/even anger. i know personality disorders have a severe stigma, and i know that due to the nature of cluster b personality disorders, there are many times where those of us who have these disorders hurt other people.
but, it hurts knowing that when my mental illness had a different label, or when my mental illness was more common/more well known, i was given space, grace, and the benefit of the doubt. now, it feels like many times, people think that i'm pretending my illness is worse than it truly is.
everyone is a mental health advocate until we're considered mean, scary, or too much. everyone cares about mental health till you hear voices, or talk to people who aren't there. everyone cares about mental health till you're addicted to things or when you're isolated and not doing the basic things you need to do. i'm not advocating for people to not hold those of us with personality disorders not accountable for the things we do-- sometimes we are sh*#$y people! sometimes we do bad things, and we should be responsible for that. but what i am saying is that we don't have the same allowance to be mentally ill in society because our mental illness isn't the digestible, easy to understand type of illness.
to my other cluster b folks, i love you and good luck out there.
good luck to everyone, we all need it right now.
-matti <3
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this is so sadly real. I also have BPD, and have gone from really really bad outward and inward to doing probably the best I can for someone with this disorder, but it took YEARS of pain and hurt, even more so that I had to do it alone because I can't ever find a suitable therapist. even as a kid when it was obvious that i needed help, I only ever got help when it was "oh shes a little anxious sometimes lolol"
the true friends and one good relationship I had really did try to understand, but trying only goes so far.. although obviously I appreciate it none the less. the stigma around cluster B disorders is so drained and disheartening.
especially when I went from destructive and borderline dangerous getting the response of "omg ur crazy wtf" to honing myself, growing, healing, all of a sudden it's "are you sure you have that? you seem fine to me" like YEA BECAUSE I WAS FORCED INTO HELPING MYSELF???
hope you're doing better, sending love. things like this really suck but soemtimes the best thing to do is to keep your head up and keep going<3
~♢Smittenzs♢~
I know how you're feeling, and I have been there myself. While I don't have BPD, I am a system (currently undiagnosed but seeking diagnosis eventually). We have been slowly coming to terms with it, although its still hard for some alters to fully come to terms with.
When we told our close circle of friends, only one person stayed, which was our partner. The other, who was a close friend of over three years did a complete 180 on us almost overnight. After preaching about how he was supportive of anyone with mental health issues and wanted to understand, the moment our symptoms started showing, he wanted nothing to do with us. We tried apologizing and talking it out, but instead he only hid behind his own stigmatized views and shut the door.
So believe me when I say that I understand how you're feeling, and just know that there are some people out there who truly do understand how you're feeling, and will support you through everything, good and bad.