Changing completely

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This whole blog has been purely self harm based, not sure if I should make a new account to refresh or to keep this so I can look back, I’d prefer to do the latter. I want to see how much I’ve gained and lost, what’s new and old. I regret all the shit I’ve thrown away just for a ”fresh start”, even the memories that hurt I miss! I miss the pain I remember because the pain I remember is what I learn to love! 

I’ve been drunk a lot recently, got my own bottle from Jake, I’m really starting to warm up to him, I hate boys but ughhh I love sex, thinking about that stupid drug dealer I gave a blowjob, he gave me shrooms so I was like I’ll repay you, HIS DICK WAS DISGRACEFUL. He was uncut which I get you can’t control but it just added to the fact his dick was so small I didn’t even notice he had a fucking boner, the guy layed back looking at me like hedonism bot from futurama. His dick was BADDD tasted like a dirty finger…and I had no idea cum could taste bad, I love the taste of it but his made me GAG I almost couldn’t keep it down but I’m a hardcore swallower. Anyway I blocked him cuz he wouldn’t buy me a bottle also he’s pathetic.

Today ima get hella drunk and hang with Nel! I am spiraling but I haven’t cut since I got my 19 stitches, if I haven’t talked about it that’ll be my next post. But the drug use isn’t very sustainable right now. Sam said if I choose alcohol over him he’ll leave and if he leaves me I’ll kill myself. I will kill myself. He’s the only thing to ever be important to me in my whole life. And honey wants to see me again. I think. I hope…

Anyway I wanna get better at posting here, I love this site, love you guys.

- Love

Jenny (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)