vent (≧◡≦) tw

i dont hate my life or at least that's what i thought. at some point i believe no one around me is real and this is all just a simulation. i tend to think that none of this would matter if i just stop existing. my mom wouldn't stress much because of me. my sister and brother would have much more of my parent's love without having to share with their good-for-nothing sister. my dad wouldn't have to be angry or displeased of how bad i do at school and scold me about it every time. my friends wouldnt have such unnecessary disturbance in their lives by one of their mildly annoying friend. 

i dont have any hatred towards anyone in my life specifically. i dont wanna hate anyone nor anybody to hate me. i miss when i wouldnt have to think about everything so deeply. i miss when life offer smaller problems to me. i hate when im left with my own mind. i feel like a loser. 

i hate to think the fact that my friends probably hate me or think im weird just because we have different interest or opinion about particular things. i believe difference could be a beautiful thing. i wish we could've just appreciate one another. we all grew from a different roots and it clearly show, it all should be everyone's pride to cherish themselves. 

do i really have to like a certain tv show, have a face of smaller face and features that is seen as beautiful and superior by society, maybe have a thinner body? smaller thighs and a petite waist?

 i hate the way i look more than anything. the pictures i took, the photos i posted for a few stupid likes is all for show. the way i talk to them is not me. i tried my best to wake up every single day. put some crap on my face before stepping out of the house just to seem slightly appealing. but at the same time i know i got some few things i just couldnt change and it pains me. 

but its okay, all of this wouldnt even matter later on. i wouldnt even think about it soon, i hope. i would forget everything for good.  

（＾O＾）