Melancholic thoughts.

Hello, dear friend.

It's me, your real life vampire, Lucas Collins. 

Today i will vent on this entry.

Some things happened and i want more people to know.

More than that, i need to save it so in the future i'll be better and learn with my mistakes

I will write like it's one of my journal entries and i am talking to myself, but feel free to share your thoughts and stories.

First, i know i should let him go, but i don't want to.

My dear Thomas, my beloved. I feel like i am not enough to him, not even close to that. Am i so boring like that? How could it be.. to the whole world i am a figure, i am charismatic, funny, people reach out to me asking for advice or distractions and i feel amazing 

But why not with him? Why do i feel i am not enough?

Do i make him feel good? Feel happy?

Does he like to talk to me?

He is so absent that i feel like i am talking with a ghost. Waiting for 3 am to lighten the candles and communicate with my ouija.

And he'll never change, and the worst of all, i know this and i still believe someday i will be enough for him to change.

But he doesn't care.

When i broke up with him he didn't cared.

Do i deserve this? There is man in the world who fall on their knees and beg for me while i want a man who wouldn't even try to change for me.

I feel dumb, i feel stupid, i feel like im drowning in my stupidity.

What is life without him?

I spent too much time without my boy, and now, although i need him to be gone, i need him with me.

I wanna punch him in the fucking face, i wanna see him crying, i wanna make him sad just like he does to me, but he doesn't care. 

He doesn't care.

Why should i care? No, i mean, why do i care?

It's sad.

I'm 16 and i already see my heart in ruins.

If i never meet him, i'd be so happy now.

Or maybe not.

But i don't know.

And i don't care.

Just like he doesn't care about all this stuff.

I am no one to me, and neither to him.