Random yapping sorry if its too much

I do NOT want to go back to school guys everyday is just worse and worse, I cant keep up with school work, My friends are hanging out with their boyfriends more but I mean as long as they don't completely choose them instead of hanging out with our group I think I'll survive. And I was hoping so bad that I'd be better this year to finally be okay with everyone. I apologized to the person I hated the most, they obviously didn't apologize back for everything they did but I did. But no matter how many times I try to change at least one person makes me lose my patience and I start arguing with them. And every year since 5th grade I seem to try and help someone and fail horribly and end up making it worse. In 6th grade I had to hear people vent to me EVERY single day it affected me really bad and I really don't know how to explain it. I tried to help one of them because it was getting really bad for them at home to the point they were being SAd and abused by their own parents and since I was 11 I did what I thought was best and told the school with permission from the person I was trying to help. Unfortunately the school called their parents and then MONTHS later the police later came. They were sent to the mental hospital for a while and afterwards everything got really bad to the point the mom fled to another country with my friend and the dad tried to keys himself. I don't know how they are now but I hope they're doing okay. As much as I cared for them they also really affected me, they would show me their fresh sh, they would literally start sh in class while I was right next to them. They would show me their blade covered with dried up blood. A lot of sh related things. Idk why but for some odd reason all the people I have tried to help always end up showing me their fresh sh and doing it right in front of me. I really don't have luck for this lol. Anyways after years of constantly trying to help and it never being enough and them stabbing me in the back has made me loose a lot of patience. I want to be more patient with people now but I just dont seem to be able to. I seem to start doing things that I pick up from those people. To a point I sometimes start acting like them but I don't want to. This was a lot I just needed to talk about it. I'm sorry to anyone that's struggling out there.