"Jai Guru Deva"

unchanging love, guidance and peace

   over the break, I decided to watch a movie called heretic. it was thrilling, challenging and unsettling at times, especially for someone like me who has always sought to build their life on faith in God. as I watched, I couldn't help but feel a creeping doubt settle in-- questions I hadn't fully asked myself before. what if my faith isn't real? what if everything that I believe is a construct?

   for a while, those thoughts were overwhelming. I didn't want to run from them, but I also didn't want to sit with them alone. doubt is a heavy thing to carry when your foundation feels like it's starting to shift.

  but what I learned is that God doesn't leave us in our doubt. he meets us there.

the gift of evidence

   in my searching, I realized something powerful: God invites us to seek him with our minds as well as our hearts. the movie raised questions,but it also pushed me back to look for answers.

  I found myself reflecting on how truth, beauty, and love all point to something greater than ourselves. there is so much in this world that can't be reduced to mere science or coincidence. the universal longing for truth, the unexplainable beauty in nature and humans, and the selfless love we experience in relationships-- all of these point back to God. they aren't just random; they're purposeful.

  I felt a small sense of reassurance as I considered these things. it wasn't a loud revelation, but a steady reminder that my faith is rooted in something real.

my dear friends

   what surprised me even more was how God didn't just work through ideas-- he worked through people. my friends, to be more specific. during my time of doubt, my friends reached out to me in ways that felt divinely timed. they didn't even know what I was wrestling with, but their kindness, understanding and love reminded me that God's presence often comes through the people he places in our lives.

my new perspective

   honestly, I'm grateful for the doubt I felt while watching heretic. it wasn't comfortable, but it deepened my faith in ways I didn't expect. I realized that doubt isn't the opposite of faith, but it's  step in the journey. it's where God meets us, shows us evidence of his presence, and reminds us that we're held-- even when we feel unsteady. 

  so if you're wrestling with questions or facing your own heretic, don't run from it. lean in to the doubt, and let it draw you closer to the One who has been pursuing you all along.

P.S.   while I was processing my thoughts, I found myself listening to across the universe by the beatles. the phrase "jai guru deva" struck me in the chest-- it's a surrender to something greater, an acknowledgement of the divine presence guiding us. in that moment, it reminded me of God's steady hand, the ultimate teacher and comforter, who's with us even in moments of uncertainty,