first blog of the year- pretty much just a life update

i haven't been very active on social media except for some personal accounts, so i decided that it would be good if i came back from the dead and wrote about a few things

2024 felt like a big transitioning period for me-- i finally found antidepressants that worked for me and i have a few more friends. i think it was the year where i was finally getting my life together in a sense. sometimes i wonder if the depressive parts of me are gone for good, or if they're just dormant now... but that's a topic for another time

i've been doing pretty good in school recently, except on finals since i was sick the entire week beforehand. i have to go in the day before school to make up a math test. i'm kind of upset about it but it's not the end of the world. i don't think i've even gotten my report card back yet, i wonder what my original score was. speaking of school i've been dreading going back. i've been going to bed at 2 AM and waking up at 1 PM, i'm not going to be able to adjust very well. also i'm just going to have to see people who i don't like. and hear about how other people don't like being around people they don't like.

i never really got the concept of a social hierarchy in school, or popularity for that matter. i'm not sure why so many people are quick to put certain people on a pedestal just for a few characteristics. although i'm not saying that all cases of this are stupid, some people are just real sociable and nice, at least on the surface. idk why people would want to be popular either, everyone is going to be up in your business and you'll have to manage all of these friendships, many of which i'm sure are not genuine. doesn't it get exhausting at some point? not to mention the fact that all of this effort is going to mean nothing after graduation. 

i'll probably have better insight on this matter after i leave.

anyway recently i just got my hormone blocker replaced- yippee!!! i don't like having to go to L.A., but it was worth it because i got to go with a friend of mine and it was nice getting to hang out with her. it was also nice to get it before the new year, since idk if HRT for minors in the U.S. is getting banned or not. it's been looming over my psyche for a while now, it just seems like a really shitty time to be transgender in america right now. it doesn't make it too much better considering that there's only a few of us in my school/community, which makes the whole experience feel even more isolating. i hope conservative parents end up having queer kids

another one of my friends and i have been collectively obsessing over gravity falls. autism + adhd be damned. i enjoy being able to yap about it with someone-- most of the time i can't really do that with other people because it's either not the right time, they don't know/aren't interested in what i'm talking about, or they just get annoyed. very grateful for them

anyway that's just some of the bigger things happening in my life rn. i'll probably make an art blog soon hopefully that will be more interesting. ok bye