Working on Myself

So just yesterday I had started a guided journal/planner to work on myself and my goals. I had asked for it by my hospitals christmas program and just received it yesterday. Although it wasn't the exact journal I had asked for, I kept it. It surely was past due its return date anyway. 

The journal was kinda outdated by 2 years, but still had today and next years calendar listed so it could still be of use.

It was also not listed anywhere on thier website nor on the link I had sent her. Odd right? So this hunch in the back of my head tok me to definitely keep it anyway.

I'm so glad i did in a way.

I opened thebfirst page thinking it was kinda ridiculous on how positive it was. 4 pages of stickers, half of them being very cheesy and encouraging. Looking at them was a mental gagfest.

But then upon actually proceeding to filling out the first page. I had stopped.

I couldn't answer these questions.

The very first page was full of question about what I had expected of myself in life, who was I as a person, what do I truly want, what do others see in me, and etc.

I never had asked myself this. My only priority in life was to survive and fulfill tasks that were asked of me. I never really expected things in return. Sure I like doing things, but I always repressed it around people so often that it followed in my personal life. 

I was numb to everything to the point where I never thought for myself even once because I thought I wasn't supposed to. 

I wouldn't go to deep into everything else. But everything had clicked. I need to finally focus on myself, it's not selfish to take care of yourself and do things you enjoy.

I'm only on the 6th page, but things are starting to become clear what I should do for myself now.