The Teacher and The Student

“IF YOU DO NOT MAKE YOURSELF EQUAL TO GOD YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND HIM. LIKE IS UNDERSTOOD BY LIKE. GROW TO IMMEASURABLE SIZE. BE FREE FROM EVERY BODY, TRANSCEND ALL TIME. BECOME ETERNITY AND THUS YOU WILL UNDERSTAND GOD. SUPPOSE NOTHING TO BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOUR-SELF. CONSIDER YOURSELF IMMORTAL AND ABLE TO UNDERSTAND EVERY-THING: ALL ARTS, SCIENCES AND THE NATURE OF EVERY LIVING CREATURE. BECOME HIGHER THAN ALL HEIGHTS AND LOWER THAN ALL DEPTHS. SENSE AS ONE WITHIN YOURSELF THE ENTIRE CREATION: FIRE, WATER, THE DRY AND THE MOIST. CONCEIVE YOURSELF TO BE IN ALL PLACES AT THE SAME TIME: IN EARTH, IN THE SEA, IN HEAVEN; THAT YOU ARE NOT YET BORN, THAT YOU ARE WITHIN THE WOMB, THAT YOU ARE YOUNG, OLD, DEAD; THAT YOU ARE BEYOND DEATH. CONCEIVE ALL THINGS AT ONCE: TIMES, PLACES, ACTIONS, QUALITIES AND QUANTITIES; THEN YOU CAN UNDERSTAND GOD.”

—CORPUS HERMETICUM, BOOK 11

I have spent most of my life in rural Appalachia—close enough to civilization to live in a small town, but I have spent most of it surrounded by acres upon acres of nothing but the beautiful nature of Appalachia and a small, quaint old town dating back to a few years before the American Civil War. While I won’t go too far into the details of my own life, I can certainly say that there are only a few people who have left a lasting impact on me. One of these few people is the man I will be writing about shortly.

Although my life has been marked with regret after regret, I can feel such mighty strength from a blazing fire in the depths of my heart. I want to be remembered for something. I would much rather be remembered for something positive I have done, even though the stories I’ll be sharing (and updating this blog with) will be more like horror stories and possibly hard to comprehend or even rationalize rather than anything awe-inspiring. If I shall be remembered for writing this and nothing else, then I can pass on with hope in my heart as I explore the grand beyond of what lies beyond this life. Even if only just a few people remember me in the future for this, then I can pass with hope in my heart.

I no longer have the carelessness of the average 16 year old boy as I write this, for I’ve realized that there is not enough time in this life to do what we want to do. I've wasted the majority of my teenage years chasing nothing but the temporary high of drugs and immorality, all with the pseudo-persona I display to others yet I still struggle not having the ability of being honest to myself. I cannot become the proficient multi-instrumentalist that I want to be in just one lifetime. Tomorrow is not promised, and I could die tomorrow or when God wills. Yet, I keep on going and pursuing my goals, and I have this raging fire in my heart that tells me I will achieve my ends. Argument after argument, and disappointment after disappointment, I keep on going. For diamonds are created under pressure, are they not? Not the pressure or stress of this life and what goes on in it, but the pressure of the clock—the sand falling into the other end of the hourglass.

"Now that I am come to myself, I yearn in ageless sorrow for that which I am so little able to attain. I bleed inwardly, so that my passion traces in my flesh the words of the cry that I cannot utter aloud, the call of the Soul to the Soul of the Master, to be made one with Him. To answer that, He send forth His Will, that, casting shadows on the clouds of Life, may be half read by him whose eyes are lightened enough by the manhood of his love. Thus then do I learn how best to make myself fit to fulfil my Life, in the Life of the Master, and offer my blood to His Heart."

I have found my greatest enemy to not be of any other human living on this planet. Rather, I’ve found my greatest enemy to be time itself. For time is the most ambiguous of all horrors; you live on borrowed time in this mortal life, and not the other way around—in other words, life is a race against the clock—you are forever facing the reward of achieving everything but await easily being able to lose everything you’ve ever worked for in an instant—and you are not the one who makes that decision. As one of the eight billion humans who is also under the pressure of this clock, and from what I have found myself, I say the following to be true:

that the supernatural is real, that demons and angels are real beings, that God is real, and that the universe is in a constant battle between absolute good and absolute evil, as per cosmological dualism.

And likewise, I believe I am reliable enough to tell you the following concerning a man.

My instructor is the man who, I will say, has had the most influence on my life out of any other person—period. While I cannot exactly call him my “instructor,” (for he is quite stubborn, refusing to formally teach me due to not being an Entered Apprentice at the time of writing this) I still call him my mentor for teaching me most of what I know informally and out of respect for him. 

He is the man who brought Freemasonry, Hermeticism, and occultism into my life. When I first met him back in February of 2024, I thought he was strange. He always spoke rather cryptically and would send material that I thought was normal and, in the blink of an eye, he would then go on to send content that was rather disturbing—and not because of any actual graphic content. Rather, this content was my first time ‘dipping my toes’ into occultism. He reminded me of myself in a few or more ways; I can and could definitely relate to his oddity and how me and him were (and still are) both ‘hit-or-miss’ kind of people; you either clicked with us and understood us, or you thought we were crazy and shunned us. As still to this day.

“THE HIGHER WE SOAR, THE SMALLER WE APPEAR TO THOSE WHO CANNOT FLY” 

-FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE

I have decided to write this for anyone curious about me and/or my instructor and I have decided to write this posthumously as if anything had happened to myself or my instructor. I believe that I am a reliable narrator.

I had come to know my instructor to be that of a very intelligent yet mysterious man. He spoke in dark and mysterious ways and he had always spoken in parables and metaphors. He was rather cryptic and I remember how talking to him always felt like a puzzle, or rather, a battle of who had the more extensive vocabulary.

Around July to August 2024 I began receiving signs. I showed intense interest in the occult; Hermeticism, Christian and Jewish mysticism, theurgy, alchemy, and Enochian. The master number '33' showed up in my life constantly. I interpret this master number appearing constantly throughout my day-to-day life as a sign of not just coming-of-age for a young man such as myself but that I am destined for something. I truly don't know what exactly it is—but I am just as sure as a blind man that uses his senses that something is coming.

From a book that I shall not name, I conducted a ritual where I asked Metatron, a Kabbalistic archangel, for knowledge. After this ritual, in that short period of time, I had grown very irrational fears, yet, the increase and ease of learning and the secret knowledge that I had asked for started to become very prevalent and fell into my lap. As you will see if you read further, there is a commonality of me and my instructor's experiences—although my outcome was far more positive and awe-inspiring.

I was born under the two Tarot cards: The Magician and Wheel of Fortune. My instructor was born under the two Tarot cards: The Lovers and The Devil.

My instructor used to be an anti-theist and he did not believe in any religious system. However, similar to my own life, he had a mother that was into Wiccan practices and witchcraft. He recalled an incident where his mother ran out of the house screaming, packing her things in a panic, after she read the fate of his sister (who later died at thirty-one years old). And one other time, his mother once told him:

"You have the blood, and because it is in me, now it is in you."

My instructor told me that he never thought much of it until he moved out and started to become an adult. He then started to study the history of certain evil spirits, most notably infamous demons, alongside any other random theological interests he had at the time. Eventually, my instructor found a belief in God and religion to be distasteful—where he would mock his would-be friends and call them weak. He would eventually begin a career in finance, helping to promote the liberation of finance for man, and speaking out against the evils of usury.

Eventually, my instructor would join the same Christian group that I would join at a later time. He began to read the Bible, pray, and believe in things he had previously held as non-sense, and he began to research the occult, dark magic, and history of religion once more. As he told me, he was very curious about [certain] things, and he wanted answers after he had been reading for weeks. My instructor found books that I shall not name, yet I know which books he spoke of. The contents of these books showed how to create a magical circle, and in its second volume had an inscription with instructions on several of the pages.

My instructor followed the instructions, reciting the words; sitting there, meditating for what seemed like a long time with nothing but silence. Because he thought that it did not work, he moved on and spent a few minutes on his computer, and eventually went to sleep.

The next morning, my instructor recalls his wife heading to work. He got up and went to the living room. Behind the floor-to-ceiling curtains trapped against the large window were dozens of black, half-dead flies. My instructor recalls how disgusted he was and he pondered how they got there. Disgusted, he killed them all. As the atheist that my instructor was, he recalls thinking he had simply forgotten to take out the garbage.

After my instructor's wife returned home, he told her what happened and they cleaned the house. He took the garbage out, and the two cleaned the sinks and drains. He cleaned the floors, cupboards, and tried to figure out where the flies had come from. His wife suggested that the flies had come from either the drain or garburator. The two cleaned the drains and covered them for the night. That same night, my instructor recalls receiving much more information about various things he had been searching for online. He had tried for a while with his usual research, but he couldn't find anything. That night was different. He found books he didn't even know existed, he was seeing signs in very strange ways, and felt beside himself.

The next morning, my instructor arose from sleep. The dozens of half-dead black flies appeared once more in the same place as the day before. My instructor recalls that it was starting to creep him out and it started to get to him. Once again, he cleaned up the flies, told his wife, and moved on with his day. He tried to consider how these flies could be coming back after he and his wife had cleaned up the drains and garburator. As he contemplated, he found no answer. The same night, he received more information and found someone online who shared pieces of media with him that he had never seen before. He had been going online and looking for people that were also into the occult for the information that he wanted, yet he recalls finding it odd and strange for it to just be falling into his lap as it was.

The third morning, the dozens of half-dead, black flies were by the same window. It broke him of sorts, and he could no longer think of any logical explanation to console himself. He was beginning to have irrational fears that it wouldn't stop. He prayed to God earnestly that day. He would no longer take any more shortcuts as he did. My instructor wholly believes that he really changed after that day, as it put the fear of God into him.

My instructor is unsure if it was God or if it was Baalzebub who sent those flies or gave him the hidden knowledge he wanted. What he is sure of, however, is that the results have brought him closer to God than he could have imagined. There were no more flies on the fourth morning.

My instructor lives on the top floor of his building; a modern penthouse with concrete walls. It has an internal venting system for air-conditioning and heating and cooling. There had been no bugs there and for the seven years he had lived there, he and his wife had never had flies, or any sort of insects before, not once, and none have shown since. What happened to him is something that will stay with him forever.

A ritual made at night facing the East, to the god of Ekron, asketh my instructor for knowledge and power. Petite et Accipietis. Received what he asked for, and in this great offense to the Lord, dozens of half-dead flies visited him for three days. Broken he became—a logician no longer, for the fear of God was placed in him. In lieu of the prideful logic that ruled him, faith had now taken its place. Prayeth he did and asketh to be forgiven he did, for on the fourth day the flies were no more. Seven days of visions he had, and much did he see; Metatron's cube with glorious wings and a brilliant light. I am disappointed that he never went more into detail with his visions beyond this mere description. He told me:

“What you get out of it will ultimately be very personal, possibly to the point of being useless, or even harmful to others. Suppose I said that I learned X, Y, or Z, and that sends someone on a wild goose chase that keeps them from focusing on what's really important in their life. I wouldn't be lying, but it also wouldn't be appropriate of me to do that, since I don't know if my needs and interests are even aligned with theirs.”

Only now do I see how strange it all is. I had made a ritual to Metatron. My instructor made a ritual to Baalzebub—and he received visions of Metatron's cube. Perhaps we were fated to meet? In tribute to my instructor, and in the same way he made a vow to his wife and future children and family, I have promised myself to follow in his footsteps. 

"Know Naught! All ways are lawful to Innocence. Pure folly is the Key to Initiation. Silence breaks into Rapture. Be neither man nor woman, but both in one. Be silent, Babe in the Egg of Blue, that thou mayest grow to bear the Lance and Graal! Wander alone, and sing! In the King's Palace his daughter awaits thee."

"The True Self is the meaning of the True Will: know Thyself through Thy Way! Calculate well the Formula of Thy Way! Create freely; absorb joyously; divide intently; consolidate completely. Work thou, Omnipotent, Omniscient, Omnipresent, in and for Eternity."