a journey of lost academic motivation

     I've always been a natural achiever since i was a kid. for years, i soared through life with a minimal effort, i barely skimmed through material and still aced every test. simply, i was the A+ student.

    But now? I can't even bring myself to study. Even the simplest tasks feel monumental and I always find myself wondering what happened to me? It's frustrating, like I've lost a part of myself. I used to have this rythm where everything came naturally. Now i sit there staring at my notes feeling absolutely nothing. No spark, no dive, no sense of purpose. it's like my brain just decided it's done and i don't even now how to restart it. and you know what's the worst part? is that I still feel ashamed. everyone expects me to be this high achiever, but i'm not even close anymore. Sometimes, i wonder if i'm lazy or if i've been faking it all along? like maybe i wasn't as smart as people thought or maybe i've just hit my limit, and this is who i am now? someone who can't even handle the basics.

   It's actually exhausting to keep pretending I'm fine when deep down, I feel like i'm falling apart. I just wish i could go back in time to when things felt easy, when i felt I was in control. But right now, I'm stuck and i don' t know how to move forward. 

   i don't even know where to start...