Heart's Bias: Part 5

TW: MENTIONS OF SELF HARM

Honey's eyes widen,  still hugging him semi-tightly as Jax lets out suppressed sobs, figuring he hasn't let them out for a while. She would've never figured this  random emo-catboy in a few of her classes would have so much personality.. Or even a shattered heart..

His body shakes with the force of his emotions. Years of pent-up pain, loneliness, all the  fake tough-guy stuff comes flooding his system, his carefully hidden tears falling down his cheeks "I'm sorry..." His whisper muffled against her shoulder "No one's ever..." His voice breaks.

"Don't.... shhh... Shhhhshhhhh.." She gently shushes him, starting to gently rub his back with her hand, her voice a little high pitched, yet calm "It's okay!-it's okay!.... Don't say anything... i know hun..."

He clings to her,Sounding totally shattered. The mask he wore for his world... gone. His fingers curl into her clothes, seeking any bit of comfort she's offering. After a moment, he manages to choke out "..-WwWhy are you being so nice to me?"

"..... because you SO obviously need it.. anyone who may be hurting themselves.. has some sort of story inside that's worth listening to... you need kindness.." She continues to keep him in the hug, still rubbing his back slowly with her hand. He inhales her scent, feeling safe for the first time in a very long time. He nuzzles his face into her shoulder, his mind racing with questions he's never asked anyone before. He asks, "What if I'm not worth listening to?"

"Some people will.. and some people may not.... you're not only the most interesting, But someone who deserves help. You thought I'd lecture you and shame you for..-" Honey pulls back from the hug, quickly grabbing ahold of his arm again, lifting it up to show the old scars and cuts.. "These...?" 

He looks down at his arm, the old scars a map of his pain. He's used to hiding them, ashamed of his weakness. But with Honey, he feels like he can be honest, like she might actually understand. He nods,

" Yeah..Self-harm..." His voice barely above a whisper. 

Honey looks at his arm sadly, holding his sleeve and keeping it pulled up as she views his bare arms, calm. "I may not ever feel the kind of pain you do that makes you feel the need to hurt yourself like this... but I know that this is never done for a good, or selfish reason.. it's always a reason to be concerned and cared for.." 

His eyes meet hers, vulnerable and raw. The gentle way she's caring for his scars, not judging but genuinely concerned.

"I just..." He swallows hard, fighting back another sob "Everything hurts all the time. The cutting helps for a second..." His voice trembles, taking a shuddering breath, trying to regain some composure, his exterior transparent now."Listen, I appreciate you not jumping down my throat about this stuff, but I need you to understand-" He pauses, swallowing hard. "I'm… not some damsel in distress."

Honey quickly pulls his sleeve back down, her poodle ears perking as she listens to his wavy voice, very alert and worried. "....no..?" Honey gently replies, inching closer to Jax, sitting next to him on the motel bed. Jax glances at Honey, a flicker of irritation passing across his features before it's swallowed by her lovely aura. "No, I'm not. I've always taken care of myself, figured my own stuff out." He runs a hand through his messy hair, leaving it more disheveled than before. Something about the way she looks at him - with genuine concern, not pity - makes his walls crumble just a bit more. He glances away, his jaw tense. "But sometimes... sometimes I wonder if that's what brought me here." His voice lowers to a whisper.

Honey's eyebrows furrow, looking at Jax with wide, worried eyes. her hand slowly glides to her chest, gripping her sweater semi tightly, her heart aches, followed by her frown. Jax's gaze drifts back to Honey, taking in her worried expression. For a moment, he's tempted to reach out, to comfort her... but his hands stay clenched at his sides. 

"You don't have to look so freaking concerned, Honey.." 

"Ooh but-" Honey hesitates for a moment, hesitantly reaching out to hold jax, but she hesitates, refraining "... sorry." She mutters softly. Jax's heart skips a beat as Honey reaches out to him, but she hesitates and pulls back. A pang of disappointment, failure, and overwhelming emotions hit him, followed by a surge of annoyance. "Great, so now you're sorry too?" He scoffs, looking away. "Just leave me alone."

Honey feels an intense wave of fear coming over her, She cant leave Jax so upset, he’s not ready to let go yet. She has to do something more.

She quickly pushes her hesitance aside upon sensing Jax's disappointment, Pulling him into a warm embrace, just slightly tighter this time. As Honey pulls him close, Jax's body stiffens initially, but then he feels himself totally craving this. He wraps his arms around her immediately burying his face in her shoulder once again "Dammit," he mumbles into her sweater.

Honey can't help it, but she whimpers a little, her poodle ears and tail drooping with worry as she mutters  something in French to herself, sounding concerned and distraught "Pauvre bébé... mon pauvre bébé... tu mérites d'être très heureux... pas triste..."

Jax doesn't understand French, but the soothing tone of her voice and the way she clings to him makes him feel so much better.. He pulls back slightly, looking up at Honey with a furrowed brow. "uhm..what does that even mean?"

"... I'm worried, and I think you deserve rest.. a day to really be calm.. and happy.." Honey hugs Jax a little tighter, her instincts making her whimper with worry. Jax starts to remind himself of who this really is again.

Honey, Honey Caniche  out of all people, not only worried and unguarded, but actually comforting him, and that really tells him so, SO much about her.

For once, he allows himself to be vulnerable, really vulnerable.

"You..." His voice cracks slightly "You're REALLY worried about me..." He tightens his arms around her, feeling safer than he has in years.

She gently nods on his shoulder, being non verbal. she reaches over to his hair, gently petting his cat ears, trying to soothe him, secretly hoping it would soothe her as well. Jax finds himself momentarily distracted by the feeling of Honey's soft fingers gently petting his cat ears. It sends an unexpectedly pleasant shiver down his back. He clears his throat, trying to regain his composure. "Stupid cat ears.."

"shh... they're not stupid...don't say that..." Honey pulls back from the hug,  holding Jax's hand with her own, her other hand petting Jax's ears. His ears twitch at her touch, and for the briefest moment, he leans into her hand slightly, before catching himself and scowling, he wants to  give in..but this is a super..sensitive side of him that he’s deeply afraid to show her. His weakness."You're being too nice," He says, despite the fact that he secretly loves it, "Make it stop."

"......you can relax.. you're okay... It's okay! you're safe...!" Honey softens her voice gently, trying to sound sweet, noticing his hesitancy to relax. Not wanting to point it out to him and embarrass him or anything, she continues to pet and soothe him. He can feel his body slowly starting to relax under her gentle touch and soothing voice. He wants to pull away, to maintain his dignity, but her maternal tone and the gentle petting of his cat ears makes him feel...small, and safe. "Damn it..."

"That's okay... you're doing good... just relax.. okay, Hun?" Honey gently continues to soothe Jax, being good at this in an almost instinctive way, she pets his hair, even giving him scratches behind his cat ears, pushing Jax's sensitivity further. He tries to maintain his stoic expression, but his ears twitch again at the scratches behind them, betraying just how good they feel. His voice comes out softer than intended "Don't call me... thhaa..aa....." But he makes no move to pull away, instead leaning into her touch slightly more. "Shhhsshh..." Honeys eyes gently widen, a sweet smile coming onto her face, seeing her friend Jax relax, slowly but surely. "It's okay kitty.... you're okay... you're safe..." She coos, with her gentle maternal voice.

Her words and touch slowly melt away his tough exterior. He's never been held like this before, never been comforted or cared for in such a way. It's foreign, but comforting. He nuzzles into her hand gently, his cat ears folding back slightly as he relaxes fully. "Fuuuck..."

She lets go of his hand, using both of hers to pet him on the head and gently scratch behind his ears, making sure to do everything right, trying to show him he can trust her fully. Seeing him relax and let his guard down, just makes her smile wide. Jax can't hold it back, and begins to purr softly out of pure cat instinct, the sound quiet and gentle, his body completely relaxed in her grasp. His eyes flutter closed, enjoying the gentle touch and attention.

After a moment, he speaks softly "You're... different." His voice is soft,  but so sincere and vulnerable in a way he's never been before. "Hehe....hehehhehe.." Honey giggles, looking at Jax as she pets him a little more, finding his uncontrollable purrs being SO cute, feeling so protective over this cat-boy she just got to know deeply.

He blushes lightly at the giggles, his ears folding back slightly in embarrassment. He's not used to being laughed at at all, or giggled at, responding to it in a slightly threatened way.."Shut up..."

"Heyy... shh... it's okay kitty! It's okayy . shh.. shhhhh, shhhhh.." She pets him a little quicker, still staying gentle with her pressure, focused entirely on making him feel soothed, lost in the moment...His protests die on his lips as her soothing voice and gentle touch wash over him. He feels his eyelids growing heavy, his breathing slowing. He feels safe. He feels... loved. "Honey..."

Honey gently slows her petting gradually, noticing how calm Jax has become, she smiles wide, she can't help it."feels so good, right..?..." She pets him in little circles on his head, messing up his hair.. but definitely soothing him. He nods slightly, his eyes still closed, his face scrunched up slightly as she messes with his hair. He's never felt this relaxed before. He feels like he could fall asleep like this. "Mmm... yeah... feels really good..." He mumbles softly, his voice barely audible. 

Honeys eyes widen as she sees Jax extremely vulnerable, her heart starts to thump, her eyes focusing on every bit of him right now.

This, This is the Jax she’s into…"G-good....."

He stays there for a while longer, just enjoying her gentle touch and soothing voice. Eventually, he slowly opens his eyes, looking up at her with a soft, almost tender expression.

 "Honey?"

"y-yeah??" 

Honey stabilizes herself a little, she allowed herself to look a little stupid as she pet him with his eyes closed, she makes her smile tiny, unable to get rid of her pink face. Jax’s eyes widen slightly with surprise and something deeper flashing across his face. He sits up slowly, studying her pink face and slight sweat with instant interest. His voice gone soft, almost gentle "Are you... blushing?"

"...!" Honey freezes, feeling entirely stupid herself for once. She's so startled, she's forgetting to breathe, just looking at Jax with wide eyes... turning a little purple.

He chuckles, the sound low and amused. He leans in closer, his face inches from hers. His eyes glint with mischief and something deeper. "You know, I've never seen anyone turn that color before. It's.. kinda...cute."

For once, Jax isn’t the one dying of being flustered. Honey instantly flops onto her back, eyes wide, exhaling loud. Jax immediately pulls back, looking at her with concern. He notices her rapid breathing and flushed face. His expression softens. "A-AGH! SORRY! SORRY- slow your breathing down, okay?  Are you overstimulated? Or- Something?!?!" He leans closer, looking at her from above. He’s all Honey can see in her eyesight other than the ceiling.

".... oh, yes i'm..i'm fine..... thank you.." Honey says in a very timid voice, holding her chest, feeling very light and floaty, looking up at Jax, a little freaked out, but smiling. Jax watches Honey laid down onto the bed, relief washing over him as he realizes it's not a serious issue. He chuckles softly and sits beside her. "Light-headed, huh?  Holding your breath will do that to you!" He taps her  nose playfully with his finger, Grinning stupidly, getting a bit too comfortable. Honey Giggles back, but seems..very lethargic, her eyes half lidded.

“Tired..?”

A gentle nod.

He sits beside her on the bed, watching her half-lidded eyes struggle to stay open, finding it adorable how exhausted she looks, like a puppy that played too hard. "You should get some sleep, just make sure you wake up later to let your parents know you’re…” Jax crawls off the bed chuckling to himself quietly. “Staying at a friend's house..”

Honey nods and doesn’t hesitate, sleepilly pulling out her phone and rolling over for a moment. With this Downtime Jax has, he makes his way to the motel’s bathroom, shutting the door closed, and looking into the mirror.

H O L Y s h i T.

Did all of this really just happen? It's not everyday Jax actually gets to HANG OUT with his CRUSH, let alone ANYBODY for that matter. And she… seemed to enjoy him..being himself? And not just that. She was Blushing too.

Jax smiles wide, wanting to jump around and squeal like an annoying 8 year old, but he has to keep his calm. He did something right…He’s on the right track for once! ONCE in his STUPID LIFE!

But. can he even ask her The question..?

He feels a nervous flutter in his heart, less from excitement, and more from fear. Despite how much Honey seems comfortable..or even flustered by his appearance. Is it really right to ask such a thing now? This early? Though, to Jax, it feels like he’s known her already for months just from how much she fails to escape his mind. He’s gotta try. He’s gotta ask her, He NEEDS TO, or he’ll regret it.

Jax brushes his teeth and Splashes some water on his face from the sink, opening the door  to exit, he's gotta tell her now-

Honey is totally, fast asleep on her motel bed, cozied up under the blanket, her hair tied up, and her pink sweater folded up and placed on the edge of her bed, she has a short white crop top shirt underneath.

You know.. Maybe he can wait. It’s too soon.

Jax  gets into the other motel bed next to honey’s, pulling out his phone, planning on being wide awake the whole night. He’s a bit of a night owl, and if anyone were to expect him to get a good night's rest, they’re wrong. He kicks off his shoes and  takes off his shirt, leaving his striped sweater on.

“Jax..?”

He hears his name mumbled softly from the other bed, making him sit up and listen intently.

 "... you're a good friend..i'm really.. proud.... nnggmgffmm.." she mumbles out, clearly tired, her eyes forcing her to get her beauty sleep. She definitely doesn’t know what insomnia feels like. A small, warm smile spreads across his face at her words. He's never had someone say they're sincerely proud of him before, and her mumbling it in her exhausted state makes it oddly more genuine. "You're pretty special too, you know.."

He watches her fall asleep, her breathing deepening.

Jax Scrolls his phone, and stares at the ceiling for a long while after Honey falls asleep, her compliment replaying in his mind. He feels a warmth spread through his chest at the thought of having someone who genuinely cares about him enough to be proud. Eventually, his own eyelids grow heavy. Regardless of the place these two friends decided to sleep tonight to get away from their families.. This experience in general has changed them both for the better. Jax rolls over, smiling, and thinking to himself.

 ‘Maybe things aren’t so bad after all…’

(5)

READ THE SIXTH PART HERE!

uiehd3iuwhe3ihuiOHHH MY GODDD FUCKK I NEED THESE TWO TO KISS BUT I KNOW THAT WOUDLNT MAKE SENSE TO WRITE INTO MY STORY

these mfs are sooo cute together, some parts of this i wasnt too proud of but others i RLLY WAS, i'm probably gonna have only 1 more chapter to write after this one and it'll most likely be rlly small xd

I LUVV JAXONEY <3<3<3<3

-Cozmite