yapping#1 (vent)

TW: mention of sh and su!c!de

Does anyone else just feel so drained and tired? My days seem to blend together, like an endless loop. Sometimes, I wish I could sleep forever and finally be at peace with my mind.

I really don't want to go back to school. I got really sick, so I couldn't do my work and now I'm failing math and ELA. I kind of miss my ex-boyfriend too, but I don't miss the narcissistic and manipulative person he was, I just miss who he was at the beginning of our relationship, at the same time I feel bad for him because he was super su!cida! and would SH, but I was the same but he kind of didn't care and would show me his SH knowing I didn't like it when he did it Infront of me and that it was triggering, he would also tell me if I left him, he would off himself so i was stuck in a relationship I didn't want anymore.

Some of you might be thinking "Why didn't you try to help him" or "Why didn't you just leave him" me and his mom tried so hard to help him and be there for him, he even went to the mh but that didn't really help, and I didn't want to leave him because i still loved him and didn't want him to do anything to himself. even though he said he would never break up with me, he did, and I've never felt happier without him in my life

if you read to the end, thank you, I just really needed to write this ig, I'm probably going to delete it tomorow