the problem with being me

so..ahem. I am not the best person in the world. I am horrible matter of fact and I stopped taking my anger issue medications over paranoia ..I do and say bad things (I'm not a criminal, don't be silly!) I'm extreammmlllyy messed up...for example: I see or hear someone calling themselves TAVROS results in: manic episode....and intense feelings of hate just eluding from me?! I don't mean to be a mean person either...I feel bad because of how mean I am sometimes but sometimes I get mean then I get meaner.....maybe I was just born mean and there's nothing that can change that.