some yap before 2025 starts

I use spacehey every 4 months (aka every school holidays lol) but ig im only posting rn cause where else can i be super cringey lololol

well anyways im talking to this super cute and friendlt girl recently and i reallt like her but maybe like that but maube not like that? idk its complicated cause i reallt shouldnt like hr cause her best friend has the biggest fattest most obvious crush on her so if i made moves wed become instant enemies and i dont want het to habe an awkard freidnshup th her friend. ok lets just call this girl Her capital H and her friend as friend A. 

well anyways i dont really have a good rlationshiuo wuth friend A anyways since we used to ve quite close (some ppl used to think we were dating lmaoo :P) but she suddenly hated me because her other friend (lets say friend B) and i dont eet along. so A and I used to be codependent (or ig just me dependent on her hahahahahahahahahhaHAAHAH) besties and then she dropped me and started beuing super cold to be along with friend B who was weirldy friendly yet also nasty to me at the smae time. well anywaus this was the same time as my reallt bad sh relapse and depressive season so i rlly didnt yru too hard to maintsin my friendship with friend A. so we relaly drifted aparer and she became super close to Her and friend B instead. and ive always been quite angry and jealous because she dropped e nust like that and pretended that everything was normal even if she had me blocke don basically everyhing. and she ignored me irl and turned some of my friends against me hahahahahaha. but thats another story. 

ahyways so friend A and i have recently sogtened up again to rsch other, i think shes trying to just smooth over whayever happened this year without um actually communicating. shs still not talkjing to me but shes not actively ignroing me either so thats interesedtin. 

so um id feel bad tp ask Her out normallt since friend A so obviously lieks Her and has like Her for basically over a year righr??? except???? SHE asked me out first?? bit like in a friend wya i think. because um i think shes kinda just eaying "will u go out with me" like as a friends like girls out kunda thing. hell idek if she gay but she definitely knows im gay but idek if she swing this way for serious yk? well she keeps calling it a date and im rlly lost

when we talked abotu out tupe so long ago she dint really say she was straight. (i was trying to matrchmake Her and friend A) and she is definitely oepn to talking about my female celevrit and fictional crushes (we talk abt video games and celebrities together a lot hehe) but her type definitely seems to be more guys and masucline/androgynous people which is really annoying since i think im definitely a femme. idk still disocering myself.

but yeah so she asked me out (as friends?) and were going out soemtime next month to go to like a cafe and bookstore maybe? hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im probably just reading too much into this but if i dont focus on something likethis i tj-nmk ill go insane. if im not fixated on a silly crush i will actually go batshiiiiiiiiiiesh insnae right now. 

anyways i reqlly reallu hp[e we talk more shes really keeping me stable on my tightrope right now. hope the date (?) goes wlel lolol 

thanks and wtf if u read this all the way xP