My Ambitions Seem To Make My Insomnia Worse

I have pretty big plans. I'll be pretty disappointed if I don't feel I've achieved A LOT by the time I retire. I'll be angry with myself if I'm not much much further down that road this time next year. I'm an ambitious person, and I consider that to be a good thing. 

But for whatever reason, my body doesn't seem to be on the same page as my brain. I could go on for ages about different physical issues I have but that would be even more boring than whatever this is supposed to be. What I need to put out there for some reason, is that I've suffered with pretty bad insomnia for years now. I don't know what good writing this will do but I feel an overwhelming need to articulate this in some way. 

I got used to the insomnia quick enough. It typically entails waking up every hour at night but it not being too hard to get back to sleep. With everything else going on when it developed, it didn't even feel like much of a big deal. It's been easy enough to ignore and with my way of taking things very relaxed except for when I really need to up the energy, things have been alright. Yet for some reason when I'm on a really good productive streak like I have been lately, my mind seems to go nuts at night. Yeah sometimes I'll get a cool idea that I can jot down and think about as I drift off but sometimes and tonight especially (although, it is morning now) all my thoughts and ideas seem to crash together and create this incoherent pileup in my head. Nothing I can do will clear it, no distractions work. I toss and turn for hours in bed. I don't know what to do. 

The worst part of all this is I know look ahead to the day today and despite not having been able to sleep, I am bolloxed tired. This worries me that I won't be able to be productive or efficient today which as mentioned above will make me angry and disappointed in myself. All of which is rather detrimental.

Grrrrrr. AAAAAAGGGGHHHH. Gah! ~Ian