concious death upon dreams

surrounded by people unbeknown to me, I seduce to their beliking, making least of a threat. a pity defense.

I do not wake upon dying in my dreams

vulnerable, I rest on their knee. longing to be in control. the rosary laying on my chest prevaling my life.

,the nun continues to ignighte my death ,I do not act upon it

I percieve my withering. mournfully taking notice of the bodys decending. past I remain concious. an anxious clam. the greatest panic. 

I linger aching., endless null where there once layed my soul a few moments ago.

envious of life, an unbearable hollow reaches me.

I long to become senseless. to reach death.

it does not happen. I continue to endure. griefing my soul