How it never works out. Yay

 i've been in four and a half relationships. 

I'm seventeen and for some stupid reason, none of them lasted for more then half a year. There  alwways was something that just couldnt be fixed. (i bet i could have been) and then i would get broken up with. Three times did boys brokeup with me. Three Times was i angry. Not sad. Just angry. But then last Oktober, i met D. And for heavens Sake i bet yall hes the one. Well he still would be if he hasnt broken up with me two weeks ago.

Wanna know why?

Because i am too "Traumaticed" from my last relationships. 

He would be saying, that this is not true but lets be real: it was because of that. 

I got cheated on. Which made me real jealous.

I got sexual Assulted. Which made me even more sensitive about saying no and stuff. 

And then i was just not "pretty enough" (Bullshit btw). Which made me more jealous, insecure about my looks, let me feeling like ill never be good enough and so much more.

And then there was D. the perfect guy who would do anything to make it right for me. Ive never felt so comfortable with a guy. He cleaned up the mess the ones before him made. Without asking for anything. For some he even talked about how insecure he was and that he couldnt unterstand how i'd choosed him. 

But then my past relationships catched up to me andi got all this anxiety about him leaving me for someone who hasnt had all this souvenirs from the past. 

How do i explain the rest?

We broke up through the Phone, which was fine cause we where long distance and stuff. And at first it was a normalcoversation about our days. Then the modd kinda switched and he was talking about how he was afraid that i might get bad again ( i have a history of Depression ) and that he might cant handle that. (I did infact not got bad again it was just a rough week). 

We talked for two Hours that evening but came to the end that it would be better for the both of us if we would go our own ways, even tho we still love each other. 

That was tweo weeks ago and texted him sometimes. About he's doing and stuff. He's doing fine apperently. 

And that makes me sad because i miss him so much. I'm sad about that he got over me this quikly(?) I was his first Girlfriend after all.

Anyway. One last thing he wished for is that i seek Therapy again. And i do. 

And maybe, just maybe we'll find our way back to each other. 

thanks for reading (sorry for the bad grammar. i'm from germany)