manic pixie dream girl: a tutorial and survival guide.

manic pixie dream girl has dark brown hair and baby bangs.
manic pixie dream girl will reference niche films and you wont get it.
manic pixie dream girl is so much more underground than you.
manic pixie dream girl can and will leave just as quickly as she came.
manic pixie dream girl will ruin your life,
and you'll love her for it.

you'll meet her at an underground bookstore that used to be a wine cellar or an indie record store. you’ll talk to her for a month and that’ll be your peak. you’ll be at your 90th birthday in a nursing home waiting for her to come around the corner to wish you happy birthday. she’ll take you to ikea and you’ll look at kitchens and test mattresses. she’ll be the best sex you’ve ever had and she’s always ready for you because that’s just how great she is (she bangs like a fairy on acid if you will). you’ll send her loving emails from your dead boring office job and think about her at the photocopier and sketch her mindlessly during meetings. she’ll tell you how her father tragically died when she was 3, or how her mother left to join a travelling circus trope, or how her brother killed himself, and almost for a split second you’ll notice the chip in her tooth or the freckle adorning the centre of her neck — maybe she’ll even look human. your friends hate her, and you narrow it down to them being jealous of your connection. you’ll fall in love with her and she’ll disappear. she’ll leave you at a party and you’ll find her with your friend’s brother’s best friend. why did you love her? — she certainly didn’t love you. you’ll smash plates in your apartment that she labelled kitschy and you’ll kill yourself slowly reminiscing. you’ll pick up smoking her malboro smooths and whisk yourself away into a dark menthol wonderland searching for manic pixie dream girl. 

4 years later you’ll run into her, and it’s awful. — but god isn’t this what you wanted? a diamond engagement ring studs her finger and pierces your heart. manic pixie dream girl was never yours and you most certainly were never hers.