TEC16, ep8: SEXUALITY

i would be hard pressed to call myself straight bc well im just...not. im not.

but then what am i?

i know i find girls cute but i would hesitate to say that im a lesbian bc... i dont know why actually

somehow i dont feel qualified to identify as that whether thats bc ive never had a relationship with a girl (and i know that does NOT have anything to do w ur orientation but still it makes me doubt myself) or that i dont feel like explicitly sexual feelings toward girls (ive fantasized ab things sure but. to put it bluntly, i just dont feel the sexual kind of attraction (but idk how thats supposed to feel like))

does my crippling low self-esteem have anything to do with it? perchance.

(tbf i still find certain things hot its just not as... intense?? idkkkk)

so ig that would put me somewhere on the acearo spectrum but thats also complicated bc there are SO MANY LABELS

one that ive been wondering a lot ab is cupioromantic (cupiosexual) which is when a person wants to have romantic (sexual) feelings for someone but doesnt experience romantic (sexual) attraction

ugh idk 

i find the term "queer" really nice to describe any person under the lgbtqia+ umbrella

and id like to just be content with calling myself queer

however, at least at this point of my life, i want to find out exactly what i am. and to be comfortable being myself

so yeah

a lotta self-discovery to do

bye <3

(edit a few months later: lmao so yeah im slowly starting to accept that i just like girls, still wondering ab being ace or at least demi. also im writting this in june so HAPPY PRIDE MONTHHHHHH)