merry christmas (or whatever u celebrate) and happy new year :)

I have a love hate relationship with this year. 

at the start I was super out of it cause me and my family had jut moved and I was super out of it. I didnt feel happy or sad, but more like I was there and no one else was (and vise versa) if that makes sense. also this summer was probably the worst summer ill ever experience. a lot of stuff hapened, so here are the highlights: my mom got super irritable and gave me like 2 panic attacks, I went on vacation and the power went out so we were stuck in the darkness for like two days, I started microdosing and my brain rejected it and I crashed out alone in my room, and everything was just a shit show. a bunch of other shitty stuff hapened like getting a crush on a straight guy, and being super confused all the time because of complicated social settings that made every day feel like walking through a cloud of smoke.

anyways this year was also in a way good cause I survived. granted it wasnt all bad like for every shitty thing that happened to me last summer there was a point where I felt super happy and like I was unstopable, but I would still describe living through this year as surviving. even though this year was shitty I also needed all this good and bad to grow as a person. I feel like I never hear people say that growing feels like walking 10 miles barefoot on a road full of spikes while the gravity is turned up to 100, but thats definitely how I felt. 

right now I can curse this year, turn from it, and never look back. the end of this year is kind of crazy with so much going on. the only really good thing is that the south korean dictatorship ended (atleast im pretty sure), but even though the worlds on fire im thriving.

merry christmas (or whatever u celebrate) and happy new year. buh bye :)

(also sorry this is so long and a bit melodramatic)