. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁Being a Teen Fem Lesbian (my long journey)

Hi! I'm Raven, I'm 17 years old (She/Her) and I LOOVEEEE Being a Lesbian, because what do you mean that I'M attracted to women?!?! I MUST BE BLESSED BY GOD!!! bc have you seen and talked to women? some are soft and gentle.. some are cold and rough but overall, they're all  just beautiful.

From a very young age I have already showed some very very  𝓖𝓪𝔂 tendencies and my unrestricted use of the internet definitely strengthened them (also i used to make myself an Oc in gacha life where i had a girl lover). Growing up, my parents are very religious individuals and we always went to church when i was younger (i never really listend bc- i was a literal child i don't remember much other than the church being my playground). they never brought up the topic of being gay or anything about being queer (maybe they thought i wouldn't turn to be gay if they didn't but suprise, suprise) but since i was practically raised by the internet, My parents didn't know that i was actually exposing myself to gay content and upon consuming it.. I never really had the thought of "oh this is wrong" or "oh this looks wrong" and well- it was because no one told me that it was "Wrong" and i never told my parents that i consumed that kind of content so young that It became my default to think that being gay is normal. only a few years ago did i find out that It was actually widely hated and i didn't quite understand till people brought up the bible stuff- still though, i never personally had any beef or hated gay people at any point in my life bc of religion.

In elementary school, i never had any crushes up until 3rd grade when my now ex bff forced me to tell her who my crush was, ( i had no crushes but in this time period- atleast in my country- it was considered abnormal if you didnt have a crush.) She kept forcing me on and on and on and on till i got tired of it and just chose a random classmate to "have a crush on" in which i had to pretend that i liked him for the rest of 3rd grade till me and my ex bff eventually ended our friendship. then in 4th grade (i don't remember much so bear with me) i just all of a sudden became obsessed with this boy (which looking back now, i wanted to puke sb) idk how i got obsessed over him but i just did and it was up untill like- 6th grade. (wow the devotion) and the funny thing was that I was the one giving him gifts, doing big gestures and making first moves which by societal standards from the past, i was being the "man" in the relationship that didn't even exist because he didnt even like me back lolmao. but then, this boy from my then circle of friends decides to confess to me, he said he'll wait till we get to highschool and what not but being the impatient and naive girl i was, i decided to get in a relationship with him only to end it the next day bc i felt guilty because we were too young and things about god and my parents doesnt knowabout it, yada yada yada. this relationship was just on and off and on and off because i was very mentally unstable, young and naive, and it was all just pure obsession and no genuine love. i feel bad for the guy rlly, I felt that i had broken him and i take full accountability for what i did to him, so i decided to end our on and off relationship in early 2020 before the pandemic. (notice how i've only obsessed over men when im forced or when a guy confesses and never really liked them voluntarily? idk it was just a nice detail that i noticed)

                                                                                       
During 6th grade, while all those stuff was happening, i had my gay awakening(shocking, i know =͟͟͞͞(꒪ᗜ꒪‧̣̥̇)) so the story goes like this: I was sitting peacefully in my seat (we were waiting for the next teacher) when one of my close girl classmates (at the time) went near me and sat on my lap ( ˶°ㅁ°) !! bc one of her admirers in class (he was one of those boys at the back lololol) was chasing her and its not really in a scary way but like a playful way bc this is 6th grade but it is still terrifying to have a man chase you around the classroom that you have to go to your nearest friend for help but anyways she wrapped her arms around my neck and they had a little banter before she told this guy that i was her girlfriend (WHATTTT (˶˃0˂˶)) but then she later whispered to me to just pretend and being her close friend, i did just that and while i played part in this.. i felt all thingly and blushy but i didnt quite recognize these feelings at the time and i gotta give kudos to this dude because he pushed it even further by saying that he didnt believe us and would only do so if me and her 𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐃.. (｡o_o｡)"" which she was hesitant about and eventually kissed me on the cheek (i think) but the dude was so persistent on wanting to see us kiss lips to lips. we didn't agree ofcourse till the teacher eventually came into the classroom and began the class as per usual.. BUT THAT SITUATION ALONE ALTERED WITH MY BRAIN SO MUCH THAT I ACTUALLY CONSIDERED MYSELF TO BE BICURIOS in 6TH GRADE. I ofcourse did further research on this and just kind of sat on it because i was still in an on and off with this other dude. Until pandemic rolled around.

Here we are, Pandemic. where everyone was either isolated in their homes or was fighting for their lives in the hospital. this was the time where everyone had ALOOTT of free time, ofcourse i was no exception. this was the time where i actually dug deeper into all this sexuality things. I found out more about myself thanks to google and the thousands of hours i spend on youtube watching "WLW tiktok compilations Part 33" or "LGBTQ tiktok compliations to watch while in quarantine" lol, but yeah. i finally labeled myself as bisexual after all the research i've done and quickly wanted to get into a relationship with a girl because i felt that i bisexuality wasn't valid due to my lack of relationship towards women so i went our and scavenged even though i very clearly am NOT ready for a serious relationship yet. which then i do and well- i wont disclose everything that happend but it was just like the last relationship i had but it hurt a fuck ton more and i just never stopped at women there, never questioned my attraction to women but i did to men which can be the opposite situation to many people. my sexuality went from bisexual-lesbian-pansexual-omnisexual-demisexual-omnisexual-lesbian-queer- bisexual and finally lesbian again. I identified as masc last year, hence the dark themes and gothy emo vibes of my earlier spacehey profile, but this year actually.. i delt with comphet. I was trying to better myself using those self help yt vids and they actually did help(because as i mentioned, i was mentally unstable) and i got better but since it was so heteronormative, i felt the need to conform to that standard, so tried liking men.. and changed from a lesbian to bisexual, so i did but i only liked those who were actually attractive in societal standards and just liked them and didn't really want a relationship out of the admiration but sooner this year i also found out that i was dealing with comphet (as i've said). so since i was more girly girl due to the yt vids and now pink is the new black type of girl, I've now come to identify as a fem lesbian who sadly looks straight but i never really noticed it till my new classmates pointed it out when i came out to them lol.(i am actively trying to dress more fem gay since they've said that lol)

But now to adress my situation today, My parents have gotten little hints (mostly my mom) that i am gay. I haven't come out to them bc they made it very clear that they dont like the idea of me being a lesbian since they've noticed that i might be gay also that i might've told my older cousins (whom im not that close to but they're close to my parents so eh) about it and they've told my parents that i came out to them but when my parents directly asked me about it i just denied it but still got lectured abt it lol.. anyways tho thats the end of my little rant and the sneakpeek into my life as a teen fem lesbian. idk who has the time to read this but if you do and you've reached the end then congrats!! and thank you for reading my blog >0<

Anygays! MERRY CHRISTMASS!!! XoXo - Ravennn