2024...

in 8 days, this damn year will finally be over. This year was the best yet worst year of my life, and I don't really know how it was even possible to claim that title. There were a lot of things that happened this year, like, a lot. There are a lot of things I regret doing this year, a lot of mistakes I made. While I wish I could just.. go back in time and do differently, but, shit happens for a reason. But.. if I didn't screw up in those places.. I wouldn't have learned anything, would I? I wouldn't be who I am right now... for better or for worse. On the other hand, a lot of awesome shit that I wouldn't change at all. I spent a good amount of time hanging out with my friends, skating, going to the mall, just.. doing teenager shit. I got really good at guitar really quickly according to other people, so I'm proud of myself for improving so quickly, and I really want to keep playing music. Highlights of this year include: hanging out with my friends, seeing blink-182 live, meeting my online friend of 6 years at NYCC 2024, and discovering new music! This year definitely was the year that I stopped really trying to "Fit in" or whatever, and sort of just doing what I like and being who I wanna be, doing shit and making choices because I want to and not because someone else said I should. I still have a lot of things about me that I dislike, and I'm still dealing with some shit mentally, but I've been going back to therapy and I hope that I can get a lot better in 2025. I'm looking at 2025 with a sense of absolute dread and fear, but also with a sense of hope and optimism. I want to do everything I did this year, but better. I want to go out more, I want to get a job, I want to play shows, I want to skate more often. I don't want whatever underlying mood disorder I have to get in the way of it.

I'm still the same person as I was at the beginning of the year, yet I'm also not. A lot of the things I wasn't so into at the beginning of the year are now some of my biggest obsessions. It's weird how you don't really realize how much you changed in the span of 11 months until you look back on it. 2024 was a roller coaster, and 2025 will be one too, and so will the next years to come. Life is just one big roller coaster. you never know how it's going to end. you never know when it will. It's easy to lose hope at times like these. I don't think things are gonna get 100% better, but I do hope I can still find some sort of happiness in life as things go on.