December ramblings

“Another year over, and a new one just begun”

• Happy Xmas (War Is Over) by John Lennon & Yoko Ono

It’s the 23rd of December on a lonesome Monday night, 2 days before Christmas. Not that it would matter, I don’t celebrate such an occasion but a few years back this would mark a certain time, a time where a new school year was about to start merely about a week away after being away from it since the mid of November but now in this moment I have only been away for about 2-3 days and will soon return by next week.

My room is lit up with a fluoresecent yellow light emitted from the lamp that sits on top of my bookshelf but it’s no ordinary lamp, this lamp has legs. In a way it’s almost like it’s been given life despite not having a face or any other human like features. Just two wooden legs which dangle off the top of the bookshelf as it overlooks my desk. A few years ago it lit up a different room in a different home which is what makes the atmosphere feel all so familiar. But I’m no longer in my room in an apartment located in West London. Now I lie on my small wooden framed bed in a house located somewhere in the southeast of Asia. The view outside my window no longer overlooks a road which seldom has cars drive by, now my window is smaller and has the view of the back of another house with its clothes line and closer to me is a tree grown by my neighbours. Outside the sound of rain from earlier grows fainter but the sound of thunder still occasionally roars to inform us of its presence. If you weren’t paying attention or listening intently enough you might have missed it as it blends into the background of white noise which fills up my quaint room.

This month had went by so fast I had thought to myself but it seems to me that I say that everytime another one passes by. Perhaps I actually mean it this time but haven’t I always? It’s hard to say. I haven’t done much in December. Just a load of exams which lasted for about two weeks and many other things which I don’t feel like talking about at the moment. Not that it would matter anyway. December didn’t feel this empty a few years ago. A few years ago December meant a whole month off of school before returning again the day after new years. This time I would return on the 30th but even then it’s not exactly guarenteed if everyone else will. If I was someone else then I know I wouldn’t. 

I’ve lost track again, where was I? Right, December. The month where everyone gathers around as a family to sit in front of a fireplace and unwrap the presents and something something togetherness. Nowadays there’s no fireplace, instead you’ve got a 4k wide screen television displaying a virtual one before it plays whatever Christmas malarkey you’ve got available for your cheap subscription of a streaming service. Mum insists on putting on Home Alone or The Polar Express for the millionth time but dad prefers to put on a whole run of Love, Actually despite having seeing it in his own time just as many times. At this point you might as well have Hugh Grant at your door singing you a carol while you’re at it. At least that is my own reimagination of Christmas, I guess I wouldn’t really know. Everywhere all around in every shopping mall has been decorated in some sort of jolly decor and everything has been marked 20% off for the occasion. Restaurants are also offering their own set of offers of their idea of a Christmas dinner. But even with that, even after seeing enough films to get an idea of it, I don’t think I could fully grasp the idea of actually celebrating it.

You know it’s almost comedic how places where the majority of people who don’t even actually celebrate Christmas will simultaneously have the most people be excited for it. It’s just that spirit, that energy, that feeling you get every December to see all these faux pine trees lined up and decorated with shiny bulbs and lights. It’s turning on the telly to see cheesy Lifetime movies on premier. It’s buying a gingerbread house kit and forcing yourself to eat the mess you’ve made. It’s walking into every store and hearing Mariah Carey or Wham! play on the speakers. And it’s also sitting in your room and wondering how wonderful it would be to wake up tomorrow morning to a snowfall although in the warm climate of my country that would be very concerning. I think it’s evident that nowadays a large part of Christmas has been stripped entirely off of its religious origins and has now become something more comercialised, something synonymous with people all around the world to the point it connects us. In my mind that is December.

December means a lot of things to me but most importantly it signifies the end of one year and the beginning of another. The beginning of a fresh start and recovery from the all that has happened before. That is December.