How I Speedran a Relationship in 3 Hours (True Story/NSFW)

rANDOM disCLAIMERRRR!! Hey, don't do ANY of the shit i say here in this blog, okay?

hey this is Felix and this is a dramatic reading of something that happened in my life not too long ago: (Tuesday 12/17..)

With the Christmas season flaring up towards Christmas day, I've been staring at all the pretty lights on my way to work. I work at a mall kiosk selling gift cards. I get the usual customer buying Starbucks, an occasional Karen, and a lot of kids begging for Robux. Although, what I noticed most was couples/men buying Sephora for their girlfriends/wives. I guess it was cute at first, with my coworker lamenting the same, but when I was left alone too long it started to get to me. I thought it was cute too, but it stung how single I was. I know you can be given gifts by family and friends, but I really wanted a boyfriend who would surprise me with a gift card.

The Christmas season gets more romantic than familial to me with each passing year. I was never too close to my family growing up, so I felt the romance at a younger age than the feeling of kinship. I have kind of been struggling with my recent ex for months, so things have felt a little lonely for me this Christmas season.

Today I was dooming as usual about being single. I clocked out of work at 6pm sharp and was headed out of the office and I see a boy down the hall. He wasn't supposed to be there, employees only. It's a well-lit yet barren hallway, like the backrooms, mall backrooms to be exact. I asked him what he was doing, and he told me he was just here because he was overwhelmed from the crowds at the mall and that he needed a break.

And then we made eye contact. He had curly hair, some of it was straightened though. He didn't like his natural hair, but he didn't have time to straighten the rest. He had brown eyes, a small mustache and a large nose. He was super skinny too. He looked exactly like my ex, which was weird, I never got to meet him in person. I just felt taken aback, it felt like I was face to face with my ex, but obviously I knew this was a different guy. He started to get up, but I let him know he could stay. I made the move to sit next to him.

He asked me if I was okay and I said I was, I just zoned out. I asked him about himself, he told me he liked the same things as my ex. But I knew it wasn't my ex. We kept talking, it was bizarre. We had things in common like being the same age, being a month apart exactly and being the oldest sibling, same for our music taste. He told me his insecurities and then he smiled at one point. He had a set of extra canines. But I knew it wasn't my ex. I'm not attached to my ex, but it just felt very odd that I met someone who was very similar to him. Having not met with my ex ever, it strangely felt like talking to a deceased person. But I had to let that mindset go, this was a stranger with their own personality and who cares if he looks and talks like and shares interests with my ex, right?

We talked more and he liked me, and I liked him. I showed him some of my drawings. He liked Sonic and wanted to see more of them. He flipped through these sketchbook doodles of my AU where I explained that Shadow and Amy are in a toxic situationship. Shadow's kind of a loner who doesn't get out much and Amy is a bit of an emotional crashout. He liked the way I portrayed the characters, and he asked me out to see the Sonic Movie, but I declined.

I asked to hold his hand, I'm forward when I flirt. He hugged me. I was talking bad about myself, and he said that we could start going out. He apologized for being too forward and he told me about his insecurities with dating. I told him that it's okay to make mistakes when dating, we find our soulmates through trial and error. I told him not to be worried about us, if "us" even happens, because if it doesn't work out then it means that the universe had determined that I'm not the one for him. (This is important for later) 

We talked for about an hour or so and we decided to go on a walk. He got up and he was unexpectedly tall. I think he was nearly 7 feet, his hair brushed against the top of the double doors in the mall. It was really hot. I got nervous, I wasn't expecting him to be tall, and I wasn't expecting any of this. I really thought I just got a boyfriend right then and there. He was thinking the same too. I didn't know it was this easy! He was disassociating meanwhile I was sweating and hyperventilating.

He walked me to my car later, but I wanted to keep hanging out. He agreed and gave me directions to this park he was thinking of. We pull up there and it turns out it was the wrong one. The park was barely a park. It was shabby and small, and it was just uninteresting. I didn't want to get out of the cozy warm car for some shabby "park" so we decided to hangout instead. He was crammed up in the front seat and asked to go to the back for some legroom and so I joined him. 

We started cuddling in the back and then I asked to kiss him. One thing led to another, and we started touching each other and eventually it escalated to sex. However, he told me he was a virgin, but strangely he wasn't nervous. Unless he was good at hiding it, he insisted that he would be fine losing it to me. I was hesitant and I asked to make sure. I said I wasn't comfortable taking his virginity if he barely knew me, but he insisted, and I obliged.

Well, without explaining too much, it was nice, but I knew it was wrong. We cuddled after until he had to go home, and I dropped him off. It was a little awkward, but it was nice.

The next day I felt unexplainably anxious as my shift neared its end. I felt like I was going to see him again. I was feeling excited but also guilty. I didn't see him at the end of the hallway this time. I got home and I texted him, but he said he wanted to talk. After a few messages he told me he feels too guilty about the whole situation that he didn't want to see me again. So, I asked if he regretted it. He told me he didn't, he wouldn't have given me his virginity if he knew deep down, I wasn't a good person. He said that I was a good person, but he felt like he used someone he didn't even know. We both had that guilt of wanting to know each other more but everything that night had changed that. He wanted what was right for me and he pushed me away and I couldn't do much to stop him once he had made up his mind. I didn't want to force him to enjoy my company anymore.

It stung so bad and then I felt nauseous. It was somehow like a breakup but worse. I think I felt so guilty about the entire thing I was just so sick. I'm not like this. I'm not an absolute whore. I didn't understand how I could do this to myself and to him even if we both consented. I couldn't think or breathe, and I had to call someone because why? Why did I even do that at all? I just couldn't understand myself and then I started to feel stupid that I could just act like nothing happened that night and keep hanging out as friends. He said our actions that night ruined everything we could have had, and it was the truth. It was the first truth in a long time to hurt.

I knew I would never see him again. Barely a social media presence, forgot his last name, he looked like my ex, but I couldn't stare at him for too long due to that, so even his face is blurry now. I kind of search the top of people's heads to find the tallest one there as a habit of boredom but I know I won't see him at the mall again because he knows I work there. I just KNEW I would never see him again, and he was sort of mysterious I couldn't be bothered to search for him either. I let it go.

I don't really know why I did that, but life happens. I wasn't really the one after all, but I hope he remembers what I said about searching for true love, he seemed lonely and hurt too.