perks

    december 20th, 2024   1:29pm

perks was such a good book--goated if you ask me. no, but seriously. holy shit. what an intense book. and i know that it "went over so many topics without going into depth," (some old lady on goodreads post) but it was such an incredibly touching story for someone in his teenage years dealing with life.

charlie is easily relatable, but also such a singular, sensitive individual character. he'd read my mind before i even thought it, and he thought more than possible from me. and i think chbosky is an incredible writer for being able to convey such. 

i think what stood out to me so much was the epilogue and what he had to say:

"What I mean is that I looked at my brother and sister, and I thought that maybe someday they would be an aunt and uncle, just like I would be an uncle. Just like my mother and Aunt Helen were sisters. And we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn’t do or what they didn’t know. I don’t know. I guess there could always be someone to blame. Maybe if my grandfather didn’t hit her, my mom wouldn’t be so quiet. And maybe she wouldn’t have married my dad because he doesn’t hit. And maybe I would never have been born. But I’m very glad to have been born, so I don’t know what to say about it all especially since my mom seems happy with her life, and I don’t know what else there is to want. It’s like if I blamed my aunt Helen, I would have to blame her dad for hitting her and the friend of the family that fooled around with her when she was little. And the person that fooled around with him. And God for not stopping all this and things that are much worse. And I did do that for a while, but then I just couldn’t anymore. Because it wasn’t going anywhere. Because it wasn’t the point."

THIS is what was my deal breaker. as someone who struggled through some of the same things as charlie, I think that this is something I will hold close to me for a long time. because I always blamed myself, and then I blamed the people who did it, and then I blamed the people who didn't know, and I blamed myself again, and I blamed the people who did it again, and then I blamed the people who didn't know again. what I mean is that I was stuck in an endless loop of blame and hatred and humiliation. and, vulnerably, I might still be in this place. but I do know, that I don't think I can blame anyone anymore. because if I did, I would have to blame everyone in this damned world and everything outside of it, and I do not think I can live a life full of hatred. 

my new years resolution will be somewhere along the lines of learning not to blame anymore, and instead, learning to understand every situation carefully so that I am able to give appropriate insight to myself. I want to be educated and I want to understand the world around me. I am tired of watching the world pass me by.

okay that got kinda deep, but seriously what a great book. 10/10 recommend! aaaaand.. i'm getting new books for christmas, so maybe I'll talk about a few books again.. or do some music reviews?? idk. I have a lot of time since its winter break, and I'm gonna try to fill it wisely.

next book is 'the stranger' by Albert Camus :)