19/12/24 - it's 12am and i'm tired.

don't you ever wonder if you've had enough? if you've unknowingly completed the most you would ever make of your life? i do, especially now. it sounds pretty dumb, being only 15 and thinking your life has reached its prime, its climax. but sometimes it feels so real and strange, a knife being stabbed into your chest at times when you least expect it. why?

and it hurts so bad. everything telling you that you're worthless, pathetic. unworthy. feelings of joy erode so quick as they come, fleeting in time and yet you try your hardest to keep them close.

in the end, they still disappear. 

life is strange like that, i suppose. it's interesting. the dichotomy of my different selves feel like they wage war in what is a fruitless endeavor. for who am i, really?

'i think, therefore i am.'

'i do not think, therefore, do i not exist?'

unsure.

latin, i've always found is a comfort, i wish to learn it someday, especially if the only viable career for me is a doctor...

perhaps i will try out poetry. might help the thoughts escape.

- norman.